I've 'done' my last Christmas Fair, I'm shattered.
All that brushing my hair (well, actually I don't have to do that anymore, a quick blow-dry and it's perfection!) ironing clothes, wearing matching socks and smiling at people! Working from home is so much easier, I don't have to be anyone, it's my service and product that's important.
But, at a Christmas Fair, you have to don the smile, not swear at children who break things, and horror of horrors....I'm expected to eat all those bloody awful Mince Pies from Tesco and sip glasses of the most disgusting cheap red wine, thinly disguised as 'Mulled wine' and appear awfully grateful for such top tucker! What is it with these people? They obviously know nothing about wine, why would you want to spoil a perfectly good one with spices and heat it up? I don't get it at all. I met a teacher on maternity leave who makes beautiful handmade Christmas Cards. She teaches at the local Haberdashers Pre-Prep. Poor thing, she nearly died of shock when she saw another Primary school and the type or parents walking through those doors! I thought it would be nice, there's a lot of nice new housing in the area and the school is brand new and beautiful, but..Phew!...it was scary. The three quarter length 'jogging' (by the average size I would say this is the term for the style and not purpose) trouser and trainer ensemble was very prevalent, put that together with the slicked back hair style and overly aggressive expression and you'll get a pretty good picture of what it was like.
The gentleman making the tea wore a black vest with gaudy rolled gold chain and had a number of overly decorative tattoos all over his arms and uncovered shoulders. His hair was nicely arranged in a ponytail and he was slightly overweight and ill-washed looking. I was too scared to ask for a cup of tea.
But I have to say everyone was quite polite, oh, apart from the boy who came over, mouth crammed with a lollipop..he slurped the confectionery from his chops and declared he'd just been sick..... I grabbed my things and left.
It's back to the anonymity of my keyboard and telephone, where I can smirk at customers with strange names and not worry that I'll get caught!
Sunday, 9 December 2007
Tuesday, 4 December 2007
Catching Up
I've been very busy with everything, Thanks for the nudge Elsie Button, it's nice to be missed!
What's been going on over there I hear you ask, well, it has nothing to do with the milkman for a start. He's not fresh, but he's just kind of decided we're ok and that he'll have coffee with us every other morning. 'Adam' is in his late 20's and a gadget man. I think we're great entertainment value, and we've become firm friends.
I have visited my lovely grandmother, try to do this every Monday but often fail. She is brilliant, not deaf, no failing eyesight, a great sense of humour, but a little wobbly and so she's confined to the downstairs of her home. This grandmother is not one of any wealth at all, in fact she's the complete opposite to my Paternal Grandmother. She lives in a small Council House, I love going to see her. Often one of my aunts or uncles will be there, I think there are around 15 of us with a doorkey! Last week my Uncle Tony told me a very funny story about his friend, apparently it's absolutely true.
His friend has a very large dog, and sleeps in a nightgown (the man, not the dog). His wife woke him up and said she could hear someone outside trying to get in.
He crept downstairs in his nightshirt and tip toe'd up to to the glass front door.
He bent forwards to listen intently for a burglar...
The dog rushed up behind him and stuck his cold wet nose right up his night shirt (and into crevices hithertoe unexplored by a canine) making my Uncle's friend jump through the glass door in shock. He had lots of stitches and the dog is recovering well.
I've been to 10 School Christmas Fairs in the last three weeks.
I haven't been lying on the sofa watching ER re-runs, but standing there watching lots of children rummaging my products round and round the table, while their parents say, "Oh, isn't that sweet? Algernon of course knows that Father Christmas doesn't exist, here Algy, have another £20 to just keep quiet, and don't worry if you knock anything at all on the floor!" Algy is, of course a possessed child that wants to hope there's no hell either. He talks in a moronic monotone voice using only the most minimal amount of words possible...'want that..MUM!!'
Most of the children have been absolutely delightful, beautifully mannered and condifent, confident even.
Business has been brisk, thanks to Amazon requiring my presence on their site. I have been very diligent and careful with all the orders and have achieved 100% customer satisfaction rate, with comments like : The image of product was accurate, was of good quality and it arrived really quickly. Would definately use frog in the Field again....until yesterday..ugh!
Someone complained, the postage costs were too high for the product...duh! don't they read these charges before they order? And, is £1.50 really a rip off?
Someone else complained, the car are too small for their price (10cm length at£1.00 each!!).
It makes me so mad, but how does one respond to these comments? I can't really, and I'll just have to re-read the fab comments.
I hope to chat again soon, sorry I haven't visited anyone, I'm thinking of you all and looking forward to hearing from you.
Frog
x
What's been going on over there I hear you ask, well, it has nothing to do with the milkman for a start. He's not fresh, but he's just kind of decided we're ok and that he'll have coffee with us every other morning. 'Adam' is in his late 20's and a gadget man. I think we're great entertainment value, and we've become firm friends.
I have visited my lovely grandmother, try to do this every Monday but often fail. She is brilliant, not deaf, no failing eyesight, a great sense of humour, but a little wobbly and so she's confined to the downstairs of her home. This grandmother is not one of any wealth at all, in fact she's the complete opposite to my Paternal Grandmother. She lives in a small Council House, I love going to see her. Often one of my aunts or uncles will be there, I think there are around 15 of us with a doorkey! Last week my Uncle Tony told me a very funny story about his friend, apparently it's absolutely true.
His friend has a very large dog, and sleeps in a nightgown (the man, not the dog). His wife woke him up and said she could hear someone outside trying to get in.
He crept downstairs in his nightshirt and tip toe'd up to to the glass front door.
He bent forwards to listen intently for a burglar...
The dog rushed up behind him and stuck his cold wet nose right up his night shirt (and into crevices hithertoe unexplored by a canine) making my Uncle's friend jump through the glass door in shock. He had lots of stitches and the dog is recovering well.
I've been to 10 School Christmas Fairs in the last three weeks.
I haven't been lying on the sofa watching ER re-runs, but standing there watching lots of children rummaging my products round and round the table, while their parents say, "Oh, isn't that sweet? Algernon of course knows that Father Christmas doesn't exist, here Algy, have another £20 to just keep quiet, and don't worry if you knock anything at all on the floor!" Algy is, of course a possessed child that wants to hope there's no hell either. He talks in a moronic monotone voice using only the most minimal amount of words possible...'want that..MUM!!'
Most of the children have been absolutely delightful, beautifully mannered and condifent, confident even.
Business has been brisk, thanks to Amazon requiring my presence on their site. I have been very diligent and careful with all the orders and have achieved 100% customer satisfaction rate, with comments like : The image of product was accurate, was of good quality and it arrived really quickly. Would definately use frog in the Field again....until yesterday..ugh!
Someone complained, the postage costs were too high for the product...duh! don't they read these charges before they order? And, is £1.50 really a rip off?
Someone else complained, the car are too small for their price (10cm length at£1.00 each!!).
It makes me so mad, but how does one respond to these comments? I can't really, and I'll just have to re-read the fab comments.
I hope to chat again soon, sorry I haven't visited anyone, I'm thinking of you all and looking forward to hearing from you.
Frog
x
Tuesday, 20 November 2007
Taking Stock
I don't quite know what's going on this morning.
Fruitcake (the dog) is having an identity crisis, leaping on to the bonnet of the Volvo (great!) and sitting like a cat. Never has she done this before, but I suspect it will be the norm from now on through the winter, it probably is a nice warm place to sit after the school runs are over.
I have been very busy with orders this week and have taken to leaving the warehouse door open. Fruitcake (said dog) seem to have decided it's time she gave me a paw and brought a few of my most expensive plush toys out for me. Very sweet of her, but now they are covered in mug and dog paw prints. Darling husband brought it to my attention asking "is the dog meant to be packing an order for you?".
Adam, the milkman arrived. He tends to yell hello!, march in and put the kettle on.
Sometimes muttering " nearly out of coffee, I see" , often he comments on the mess in my kitchen. This morning he sat down for a few minutes to give us the benefit of his wisdom on life, the universe and the weather. I am fanatical about product testing and the milkman has been used to test animal radios for me, today he started inspecting my racing car kits. "ooh, can I have one of these? Ah, better not, I'll be in trouble with the wife,.... I'll build a little bit of it each time I come in, can I have my own area to build it?"
Why is it like this here? It's madness.
Fruitcake (the dog) is having an identity crisis, leaping on to the bonnet of the Volvo (great!) and sitting like a cat. Never has she done this before, but I suspect it will be the norm from now on through the winter, it probably is a nice warm place to sit after the school runs are over.
I have been very busy with orders this week and have taken to leaving the warehouse door open. Fruitcake (said dog) seem to have decided it's time she gave me a paw and brought a few of my most expensive plush toys out for me. Very sweet of her, but now they are covered in mug and dog paw prints. Darling husband brought it to my attention asking "is the dog meant to be packing an order for you?".
Adam, the milkman arrived. He tends to yell hello!, march in and put the kettle on.
Sometimes muttering " nearly out of coffee, I see" , often he comments on the mess in my kitchen. This morning he sat down for a few minutes to give us the benefit of his wisdom on life, the universe and the weather. I am fanatical about product testing and the milkman has been used to test animal radios for me, today he started inspecting my racing car kits. "ooh, can I have one of these? Ah, better not, I'll be in trouble with the wife,.... I'll build a little bit of it each time I come in, can I have my own area to build it?"
Why is it like this here? It's madness.
Monday, 12 November 2007
Haircut 100
I imagine I've had over a hundred haircuts by now, but like so many people, it's an emotional thing, I was only just peeking at Ingenious Rose and seeing how she felt about it all.
A week ago I flipped, I couldn't stand it anymore! Everytime I tried to do any work my hair flopped around my face and I hated it. Ponytails just irritated me in the car because I couldn't loll in the drivers seat and piggy tails get funny comments from the general public. So, I went to visit a very nice lady and asked her to chop the bloody lot off!
Julie was rather nervous and so was I, child No. 3 declared (as only a 4 year old can) that my haircut was stupid. Child No. 1 said I was to stay in the house for a long time for fear of spoiling her social life. Darling Husband likes it very much. And I love it, for the first time, I like my haircut, and no-one has called me Sir yet, even though it's quite short.
I think my fear of haircuts comes from my Mother, oh Shirl trained to be a hairdresser, oy yes, hmmm.
We would choose a nice photo in a magazine and she'd say, I'll do that for you, we don't want to waste money at the hairdressers do we? No Mum, we'd love you to do it, we'd say.....
It was a terrible time, a bowl on our heads to chop round would have looked nicer. Even when we went to the hairdressers, it was always the cheapest cut and I would come out crying because it was so awful.
But this time, Ha! I look very presentable, smart, no grey hairs and I look very, very different. Friends are shocked at how different I look...younger even!!
My Mother, 'Shirl' visited for half an hour last weekend (well it is a five hour drive each way, one mustn't expect too much), and guess what her reaction to my new look was? Not a comment, not a whisper, no mutterings about being a skinhead even from her (Whotcha!) boyfriend..they didn't even notice. Typical.
When she left, a very poignant comment was made.
My cousins' son said very loudly, "I know this may sound like a stupid question, but who were those people?" I sometimes wonder myself.
A week ago I flipped, I couldn't stand it anymore! Everytime I tried to do any work my hair flopped around my face and I hated it. Ponytails just irritated me in the car because I couldn't loll in the drivers seat and piggy tails get funny comments from the general public. So, I went to visit a very nice lady and asked her to chop the bloody lot off!
Julie was rather nervous and so was I, child No. 3 declared (as only a 4 year old can) that my haircut was stupid. Child No. 1 said I was to stay in the house for a long time for fear of spoiling her social life. Darling Husband likes it very much. And I love it, for the first time, I like my haircut, and no-one has called me Sir yet, even though it's quite short.
I think my fear of haircuts comes from my Mother, oh Shirl trained to be a hairdresser, oy yes, hmmm.
We would choose a nice photo in a magazine and she'd say, I'll do that for you, we don't want to waste money at the hairdressers do we? No Mum, we'd love you to do it, we'd say.....
It was a terrible time, a bowl on our heads to chop round would have looked nicer. Even when we went to the hairdressers, it was always the cheapest cut and I would come out crying because it was so awful.
But this time, Ha! I look very presentable, smart, no grey hairs and I look very, very different. Friends are shocked at how different I look...younger even!!
My Mother, 'Shirl' visited for half an hour last weekend (well it is a five hour drive each way, one mustn't expect too much), and guess what her reaction to my new look was? Not a comment, not a whisper, no mutterings about being a skinhead even from her (Whotcha!) boyfriend..they didn't even notice. Typical.
When she left, a very poignant comment was made.
My cousins' son said very loudly, "I know this may sound like a stupid question, but who were those people?" I sometimes wonder myself.
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Christmas is sorted
Today we found out about a fantastic new(ish) website.
Now if, like me, your Mother, or other relations are really rubbish at presents because they've forgotten how many children you have, and have failed to factor into account that they actually grow in size and development, this is idiot proof!
It's a website to build your Present Wishlist and then email to those retailphobic relatives. Not only that, but the recipients can then click on each item listed, be taken DIRECTLY to the website and item detailed, and then just click add to basket, credit card number and wayhey! the Christmas Shopping is over!
I have set my eldest to the the task of list building already, and she thinks it's fantastic...high praise indeed.
It's fab, I've started one for me and one each for the children. I shall email one to my husband, print it off and then stick it on his John Deere or Pedigree Bull.
No longer will I have to suffer at Christmas!
Never again will I receive a Terrys Chocolate Orange that's four years (FOUR YEARS!!) out of date from my Mother.
No more chocolates that are all melted and stuck to the celophane, from the Tobacco Warehouse in Belgium.
There will be no small pot of Honey for me this year.
Oh the website, almost forgot in my excitment that this year I will get something that's not from Macro or Poundstretcher, here it is: www.gogoblin.co.uk. I urge all children able to control mice to register, just think, no moaning on Christmas morning, no screaming "I didn't want the pink one!"..ahh bliss!
Now if, like me, your Mother, or other relations are really rubbish at presents because they've forgotten how many children you have, and have failed to factor into account that they actually grow in size and development, this is idiot proof!
It's a website to build your Present Wishlist and then email to those retailphobic relatives. Not only that, but the recipients can then click on each item listed, be taken DIRECTLY to the website and item detailed, and then just click add to basket, credit card number and wayhey! the Christmas Shopping is over!
I have set my eldest to the the task of list building already, and she thinks it's fantastic...high praise indeed.
It's fab, I've started one for me and one each for the children. I shall email one to my husband, print it off and then stick it on his John Deere or Pedigree Bull.
No longer will I have to suffer at Christmas!
Never again will I receive a Terrys Chocolate Orange that's four years (FOUR YEARS!!) out of date from my Mother.
No more chocolates that are all melted and stuck to the celophane, from the Tobacco Warehouse in Belgium.
There will be no small pot of Honey for me this year.
Oh the website, almost forgot in my excitment that this year I will get something that's not from Macro or Poundstretcher, here it is: www.gogoblin.co.uk. I urge all children able to control mice to register, just think, no moaning on Christmas morning, no screaming "I didn't want the pink one!"..ahh bliss!
Saturday, 3 November 2007
Half Term is Over at last..
It's actually almost over, just one day left to go and I've come to the end of the three weeks of half term, and getting serioiusly closer to insanity than I like to get without copious amounts of alcohol. Living so close to the border of England and Wales means that different schools have different holidays.
Child No.1 had two weeks off and went back last Tuesday, while Child No.2 had all of last week off for half term. Child No.3 had last week off at the Welsh Playgroup and the week before off at the English Playgroup.
We've had Christmas Shopping, Cinema trips, Halloween Parties and Disco's, oh, and various sleepovers here and elsewhere.
Last Saturday I had my three nieces here to make Christmas decorations and my house is still covered in glitter even though I've hoovered a number of times. It's all very well making vacuums that pick up dust and stones, what about glitter?
Tomorrow I have cousins and children arriving to go for an Autumnal walk in Herefordshire searching for chestnuts, will it never end?
I want one whole day without having a Celtic House built and demolished in the garden.
I want a whole day without shuttlecocks getting stuck on the roof.
Just one day without the entire contents of the Airing Cupboard being dragged downstairs to be made into a den.
Child No.1 had two weeks off and went back last Tuesday, while Child No.2 had all of last week off for half term. Child No.3 had last week off at the Welsh Playgroup and the week before off at the English Playgroup.
We've had Christmas Shopping, Cinema trips, Halloween Parties and Disco's, oh, and various sleepovers here and elsewhere.
Last Saturday I had my three nieces here to make Christmas decorations and my house is still covered in glitter even though I've hoovered a number of times. It's all very well making vacuums that pick up dust and stones, what about glitter?
Tomorrow I have cousins and children arriving to go for an Autumnal walk in Herefordshire searching for chestnuts, will it never end?
I want one whole day without having a Celtic House built and demolished in the garden.
I want a whole day without shuttlecocks getting stuck on the roof.
Just one day without the entire contents of the Airing Cupboard being dragged downstairs to be made into a den.
Sunday, 28 October 2007
What's in a name?
Darling Husband:
"I see 'the Geezer' has put huge rocks outside his gates to stop people driving on his verges, I might get the digger and move them to irritate him"
'Geezer' = our newest neighbour (a mile away, but that's fairly close around here), who hails from Kent. Sounds like 'ALWIGHT?' and 'WOTCHA MATE!'
'Dutchy' = Mr Holland, lives next door to the Geezer. (Once wore shorts every day for 12 months (short, shorts that is) for a bet. How much was the bet?
Darling Husband:
"There's a duck-filled-fatty-puss outside"
Duck-filled-fatty-puss = "Boots" the cat, having swallowed a whole duck that was a little too gamey for our liking. Sunday lunch was a vegetarian affair today.
Darling Husband:
"That's a 'Garlic' driving that tractor, either that or Prince Charles has a 'Case'
'Garlic' = Mr Garlic the farmer.
'Tosser' = tractor drivers (beginning with 'G') that won't pull over for cars to overtake. (Also managing director of Think Courier)
Darling Husband is so awfully eloquent today.
"I see 'the Geezer' has put huge rocks outside his gates to stop people driving on his verges, I might get the digger and move them to irritate him"
'Geezer' = our newest neighbour (a mile away, but that's fairly close around here), who hails from Kent. Sounds like 'ALWIGHT?' and 'WOTCHA MATE!'
'Dutchy' = Mr Holland, lives next door to the Geezer. (Once wore shorts every day for 12 months (short, shorts that is) for a bet. How much was the bet?
Darling Husband:
"There's a duck-filled-fatty-puss outside"
Duck-filled-fatty-puss = "Boots" the cat, having swallowed a whole duck that was a little too gamey for our liking. Sunday lunch was a vegetarian affair today.
Darling Husband:
"That's a 'Garlic' driving that tractor, either that or Prince Charles has a 'Case'
'Garlic' = Mr Garlic the farmer.
'Tosser' = tractor drivers (beginning with 'G') that won't pull over for cars to overtake. (Also managing director of Think Courier)
Darling Husband is so awfully eloquent today.
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