I've been very remiss and not thanked Elsie Button for my award, don't know why she thinks I'm funny..ppffftt!
It's the second one I've had from her, Thank you Elsie!


I've also been tagged (in a ladylike manner) by Dulwich Mum:

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag people, and acknowledge who tagged you.

Now DM wrote something quite risque and I felt somewhat shocked, I must say.
I picked up the nearest book thinking how boring mine would be in comparison, but, hey, I'm not so sure.

"This was a very impressive demonstration of raw power back in the early 1900s.
Pictured is Russell, a Giant being demonstrated with a bottom.
This bottom was lifted and dropped by the strong muscles of the two men riding."

Oh, hang on, I've noticed a few typo's, here we are, this is the quote...awfully sorry, innocent mistake to make...

"This was a very impressive demonstration of raw power back in the early 1900s.
Pictured is a Russell Giant kerosene-burning tractor being demonstrated with a 10-bottom John Deere plow.
This plow's 5 two-bottom units were lifted and dropped into the ground by the strong muscles of the two men riding the plow."

This quote is taken from "Genuine Value, The John Deere Journey" given to Darling Husband for his fortieth Birthday by our wonderful friend Vince Musi

I tag Elsie Button, Omega Mum, Sparx lets see how you do...

Toadal Chaos

The day promised to be an interesting one, but not in the way I had hoped.
Only two children were home ill, that was an improvement.
The sun was shining, but Darling Husband and I had had very little sleep. One little girl got in bed with us during the night and took up two thirds of the bed, thrashing about and coughing with perfect aim into our faces whenever possible.
The eldest daughter also got in bed with us, she's now the same size as me, and joined us on the remaining third of the bed...it was not the most comfortable night.
Why didn't one of us get out and get in their beds you ask? Couldn't move, just too tired.
Middle daughter skipped off to school, bouncy happily and giggling about something unknown to the general human race. I promised to take her lunch up to school as soon as the bread was made.
I had an hour long meeting here at 9.30, the cough monster had an appointment to see the doctor at 10.30 and Darling Husband was to have the pleasure of taking her in. He rushed off to look at all his pregnant cows and heiffers. I washed to utility room floor and all was going splendidly.
My 9.30 soon became 9.40, the milkman crept in and quietly made himself coffee. He looked at me suspiciously and asked the eldest daughter who I was talking to.
Darling husband whisked the sick one and eldest one out into the car and off to town (usually the car is as close to town as he likes to get).
My meeting finished bang on time, the phone rang ..
My brother in law asked me why I'd phoned him, "I haven't phoned you"..Oh.
The phone rang, "Mummy there's a cow calving right down at Rhd-y-go, and we can't get through to brother in law, can you find him as quickly as possible".
(huge sigh)
I rang brother in law back, he'd made like Elvis and left the building.
I ran outside to get in the car and find him...Darling Husband had the car, I considered the Landrover, but I'm not brave enough to open the door let alone sit in it anymore, I think it contains more topsoil and muck than half our fields.
I ran up the lane gracefully in my fuchsia Hunters and shouted 'calving trouble, taking your car' to my Mother in Law.
Brother in Law had disappeared, bugger!
I drove back to our house and abandoned the car in the middle of the lane, in complete panic.
Now, I really, really am Farmers wife in title only, I know nothing! I ran down the old lane towards where the cow was....she'd gone...double panic.
I looked across the valley at the nearest herd and saw one hiding in the bushes. That was her, munching away, quite happily, making no effort whatsoever to give birth, and she obviously was going to need pretty quick intervention.
I turned to go back up to the house and try and phone another brother in law, farmer friend, vet. My heart sank, the most direct route had an incline of 10ft in one, oh my goodness, it was steep. I felt like I'd conquered Everest and certainly looked as though I had by the time I reached the house. I made a heavy breathing phone call to another brother in law who immediately rushed to help.
Meanwhile a large van arrived outside with a delivery of particularly lovely plush finger puppets. The van turned, but my awful parking obviously had an impact because the van drove straight into a deep ditch.
So to update you, there's a cow in need of assistance ('cos she ain't doing it), no men when you need one, the lane is blocked by two bad examples of female driving, AND, I still hadn't had a decent cup of tea.
The posse arrived and administered cow-type help, then they pulled the van out of the ditch. Very small daughter has been diagnosed with a severe chest infection and the eldest one still needs a blood test but we can't get any out of her because she's a vampire and they take blood not give it!
Darling husband came in from van pulling and walked through the house in his pants and socks....!!! Erm, Darling, why do you have no clothes on after rescuing that lady driver??? It seems he got rather messy with the cow, nice.
I suddenly realised it was lunchtime, and middle daughter had not had her lunch delivered to school, I phoned the school to profess our cacophony of mishaps and could someone please allow her school lunch?

Can someone please take me back to my room??

Surprise, surprise!!

I am constantly shocked by other people, my naivety in life is a constant source of entertainment to those close to me.
Yesterday afternoon whist driving my eldest daughter from school, I asked if I could please have piece of chocolate ( I know, it's a surprise that someone as sweet as me should need it, but there we go!). She undid the wrapper, folded it neatly around the chocolate so I could hold it without getting chocolate on my finders and passed it to me. I almost did an emergency stop, what was she doing? My father always did that for me when I would chauffeur him around. At the time I thought it was kindness but looking back he probably didn't want chocolate finger marks on his walnut dash and leather interior.
Come to think of it I don't recall any of my parents cars ever resembling the state of mine inside.
Then there's our friends who have been together 23 years, always smiling.
She's left him, told him one day, divorce papers arrived the next!! Not only that but she moved straight in with another man....Gasp, shock, horror! Even left the children behind!! (Sharp intake of breath).
Now don't get me wrong I am in no way criticising, I don't know and don't wish to know all the facts, it's just it has shocked me.

Then there's Shirl, after years of wanting a Mercedes sports, she has actually bought one. Last time she went to buy one she came home with a Vauxhall Vectra, that was more worrying than shocking though, lets be honest.

Last night I took Jazz, my middle daughter to watch some of her friends in the school 'Stars in their Eyes' competition. My lady that does was there to watch her daughter too. Her daughter and friend sang a duet based on 'Lucky Twice' and were dressed in a stripey T-Shirts and pretty skirts. These normally shy girls sang in perfect tune, did nice co-ordinated arm movements and it was lovely. I was truly amazed at their confidence.
Oh, but then, there was the star of the show, ten years old singing 'Son of a Preacher Man'...is that appropriate for a ten year old?
The young man, again ten years old gyrating and grinding his hips like Mica!!
One young lady dressed as Dolly Parton with huge false breasts!! This is all in a Primary School!!! Truly, truly shocking.

And finally this morning I had a forwarded email from a friend, clearly illustrating how she has been the victim of cyber bullying. I was disgusted and not only shocked at it's contents but shocked at how angry I felt about it.

I guess the biggest shock of the day will be when our friends arrive this afternoon after a month in Australia. We've really missed them. We have looked after their Gerbils, Stick Insects and Fish here in this very house. Not once have I wrenched any of them from the jaws of the cat. That their pets have survived will be truly, truly shocking for them.

Addiction

We love games and this is the latest one we have become addicted to.
We've stoically worked our way through Boggle, Monopoly,3D Noughts and Crosses, oh and Tetrus.
Life has become one long series of Bananagrams only to be interupted by eating, sleeping and working. Our television hasn't been turned on since we got it!
There are groans if the phone rings in the middle of a game, school runs are preceeded by a quick game.
To say we're obsessed is an understatement.
A man arrived to discuss some businessy thing with me, we were in the middle of a game. I made him coffee and he watched while we (me, darling husband and my lady that does) finished the game, a bit amazed. He commented that our approach to the working day was quite refreshing, odd, but refreshing!
Yesterday I took my eldest daughter to Swansea to see her consultant. We took the game with us, of course, to play in the waiting room.
Darling husband phoned "Where's the Bananagrams? Jazz and I can't find it..."
As I say, we're obsessed, but getting awfully good at spellign.

Rockstar

I LOVE this track... Rockstar
(video isn't my favourite)

It's positively persisting here in Monmouthshire this morning and I'm feeling a little traumatised by my terrifying experience yesterday.

I took my MIL shopping, dropped her off at Somerfield (oh the shame!) and then took my wonderful children into Waitrose for our family fodder shop. All was well, Sophie was sitting very nicely, Jasmine was pushing her sister around, chatting happily.
Then I saw them, by the cucumbers, two foul little boys, around nine years of age, one sprawling in a shallow trolley, one pushing him. They were riff raff, and in waitrose!! They pulled cucumbers all over the floor and threw them back into the racks.
"Some-one's got to eat that!" I bellowed (in a ladylike way, of course).
In a very cheeky whiney voice, they repeated "someones got to eat that" and laughed.
"You really are very rude aren't you?" I said.

I was furious that such creatures should be in the store. let alone behaving so badly. I looked around again, and saw them going over to their parents and repeating what I'd said. I shuddered, got scared and instructed Jazz to push her sister very quickly into the wine section, I knew I'd be safe there.
The parents were riff raff, I know it's true I have gained a few pounds and was forced to purchase a size 14 skirt in Per Una recently, but there's no need to have your belly hanging out between your XXXL clothes in the chilled ready made salads section. The mother was modelling a fine greasey old perm and split ends; her husband strutted proudly by her side, displaying his tattoos and wearing a dashing pair of pull-up jogging bottoms and anorak. They surely mistook Monmouth for Merthyr on the map??
I calmed myself by selecting some choice reds and watched from a distance while they queued up to purchase 200 Superkings and then leave in the direction of a Wetherspoons.

Birthday

It's my Birthday.
I'm having a tea party tonight, as is the tradition in Darling Husband's family. There will be my adorable Godson, my champion friend (the one at whose wedding I cried recently..sniff!), my great friend Charlie (wonderful) and my lovely in-laws (no, really).

Here's two entertaining true stories, no I don't make them up...who says living out in the sticks is boring?

Jazz, middle daughter arrived home and announced that Sam Bevan wasn't in school today. "His sister came into the class and told teacher that Sam wouldn't be in because he'd been bitten by a goose and didn't feel well"

No sympathy was shown by anyone, the whole class including the teacher dissolved into hysterics, as did we when we heard the story.

Here's a true story from my niece who studies at Cardiff Uni:
Her friend Tom got a call in the middle of the night.
"Quick!! TOM!!, I've caught the leprechaun, come quick!!"

Tom: "you've what?"

"Quick, I've caught him and I don't know what to do with him. He can't get away, I've locked him in the cupboard, it's the Leprechaun, I've caught him, QUICKK!"

Tom drove to his friends place, just in case.

His friend was curled up on the kitchen floor, asleep and somewhat intoxicated, front door unlocked.
There was a chair wedged against the cupboard door, preventing it from being opened.
Tom moved the chair and opened the cupboard.
Inside was a very vertically challenged man, also intoxicated.
As DM would say OHMYGOD!!!

There is a moral there somewhere I'm sure.