Win some great prizes from Andrex

Those cute puppies have got my attention again with a fantastic new competition!
Win over £20,000 of prizes with Andrex®

Andrex, the nation’s favourite toilet tissue, this week launches a fantastic new Puppy promotion exclusively on Facebook.

Each of the 6,500 fans of the Andrex Puppy’s Facebook fanpage will have the chance to win one of thirty top prizes every day with a total value of over £20,000, simply by entering a fun competition.

Top prizes include Nintendo Wii Consoles, X-Box 360s, Sony Cybershot Digital Cameras, Nintendo DSi consoles, Sony Playstation 3s, gift vouchers up to the value of £150 from a number of retailers including Next, M&S and Tesco and much much more.

Smaller prizes also include money off coupons and Andrex Puppy goodies including pyjamas cases, hot water bottles, cuddly toys and slippers.

To enter, all fans have to do is play the new ‘Pup-o-matic’ game. Similar to a slot machine, the fruit symbols have been replaced with the Andrex Puppy and his ‘Soft’, ‘Strong’ and ‘Long’ friends that feature in the new Andrex advertising campaign – a chihuahua, a bulldog and a sausage dog. Matching dogs means prizes.

For a chance of winning, visit www.facebook.com/theandrexpuppy and enter. The competition runs until 5th July 2010.



Some interesting Facts, perfect for the next Pub Quiz:

Since the first puppy advert in 1972, there have been over 120 ads starring the Andrex® Puppy
24 rolls of Andrex® are being sold every second, making Andrex a £335 million brand

So go on and have a go, and if you win a super dooper prize, do share with the lovely Frog who told you about it!

How much is too much?

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine

Dear Diary,
For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines.. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.
Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.
My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit too.
_______________________________
THURSDAY:
Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.
He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.
Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which I sank.
_________________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic, little aerobic instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.
Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.
The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel..
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Only in Wales!

The English is clear enough to lorry drivers - but the Welsh reads "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated."

When officials asked for the Welsh translation of a road sign, they thought the reply was what they needed.
Unfortunately, the e-mail response to Swansea council said in Welsh: "I am not in the office at the moment. Send any work to be translated".
So that was what went up under the English version which barred lorries from a road near a supermarket.

Swansea council got lost in translation when it was looking to halt heavy goods vehicles using a road near an Asda store in the Morriston area.
All official road signs in Wales are bilingual, so the local authority e-mailed its in-house translation service for the Welsh version of: "No entry for heavy goods vehicles. Residential site only".
The reply duly came back and officials set the wheels in motion to create the large sign in both languages.
The notice went up and all seemed well - until Welsh speakers began pointing out the embarrassing error.
Welsh-language magazine Golwg was promptly sent photographs of the offending sign by a number of its readers.

The sign was lost in translation - and is now missing from the roadside

Other confusing signs
"We took it down as soon as we were made aware of it and a correct sign will be re-instated as soon as possible."
The blunder is not the only time Welsh has been translated incorrectly or put in the wrong place:
• Cyclists between Cardiff and Penarth in 2006 were left confused by a bilingual road sign telling them they had problems with an "inflamed bladder".
• In the same year, a sign for pedestrians in Cardiff reading 'Look Right' in English read 'Look Left' in Welsh.
• In 2006, a shared-faith school in Wrexham removed a sign which translated the Welsh for staff as "wooden stave".
• Football fans at a FA Cup tie between Oldham and Chasetown - two English teams - in 2005 were left scratching their heads after a Welsh-language hoarding was put up along the pitch. It should have gone to a match in Merthyr Tydfil.
• People living near an Aberdeenshire building site in 2006 were mystified when a sign apologising for the inconvenience was written in Welsh as well as English.

Possible new government strategies

Two funny things I've read today:

The House of Lords is a mad place. Men in frocks, men in tights, men in silly hats and wigs. Click here to visit the author Place Farm

I assume full responsibility for our actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.
My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of wisdom and judgment.
I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so!"
A scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.
Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves in knots.
Before I criticise a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.
To err on the side of safety is to be human, to blame somebody else shows true management potential.
I will no longer waste my time reliving the past; I will spend it worrying about the future.
Thanks to Martin Ford from UK Business Connections for this one.

Grumpy

I've been tagged by Singlemummy to write a few things I get grumpy about.
Now I could go on for ever, I suspect so I'll reign in my moans a little and just write the required 7.

1.Shirl - my mother annoys me like no-one else.
Just for once I'd like a present on my Birthday...one that's been bought for the occasion, not won in a raffle or from a car boot sale, one I actually like and that's in date (if supposed to be edible.
I'd like her to phone when she says she will and bother with her Grandchildren who I don't think she knows very well anymore.
2. 'Wotcha!' - Shirl's boyfriend. He's racist, gets things stolen to order from his old workplace (like wheelbarrows, printer paper, bags of cement) and is generally a rude self-centred man.
3. And of course, I agree with Singlemummy: people who cant be bothered to man up and show who they are when being rude and bitchy. It's deplorable, if you don't like what you read, move on somewhere else. I don't like Eastenders so I don't watch it..simples!
4. I'm annoyed my last Blog post didn't show the headline:
"Deceased Father's Ukranian Ex-Wife forces sale" no wonder no-one found it funny!
5. No hot water when you want a nice long soak in the bath..grrr.
6. The Librarian at the Teenagers school - I don't like her book recommendations and I don't like the fact she hasn't spoken to my daughter since I complained about her asking my daughter to read a book with sexual abuse in it..vile, vile, vile.
7. Me...I sometimes say things without thinking first sometimes and cause offence to people. (grimace)
I eat too many biscuits.
I don't tidy my bedroom enough.
I don't Blog enough with some of my lovely friends.
I'm always very tired because I don't sleep well.

Grumpy nominations:
Potty Mummy (lots to grumble about in Moscow I'm sure)
Millenium Mum (she does a fantastic list)
Belgravia Wife
Mel Trevelyan
Sparx
Muddling ALong Mummy
London City Mum

Please visit their fab Blogs, so many very talented ladies!

Friends and Weddings

This weekend was lovely.
Our very lovely friends got married after 20 something years together, with their son and daughter as witnesses.
The Groom is God-Father to the youngest Frog.
There was nothing traditional about this wedding.

The phone rang:
Groom: Hiya Frog, um, it's getting close to the Wedding Day, um, apparently it takes 15 minutes to do it and we're doing it at 4.30, so I think we'll be home by 5.15. If you and the other Frogs want to come over at 5.30 with some sausages, H says he'll do a barbecue.

We arrived at 5.30.
Our girls had made the happy couple cards, a poem and some lovely cushions.
Darling Husband & I took a bottle of fizz, chocolate, a gorgeous fat pot I've just made and of course the sausages.

The Happy couple were just arriving home after buying some local cider from their neighbour and enlightened us to their movements since being married.

On the way home they stopped at a local Agricultural supplies store. They browsed a little and bought courgette plants plus another essential item.
Someone they knew spotted them and commented they were dressed very smartly.
Groom: Yes, well we've just got married.
Spotter: What are you doing in here then (splutter)?
Groom: Buying Dog food of course!
Spotter staggered away in shock.

We laughed about that many times during our evening sat outside their gorgeous cottage.
There were 6 adults and 5 offspring.
We had a lovely evening, in lovely company, and of course, great sausages.

The couple are the most wonderful people you could ever meet, kind, clever, funny, thoughtful, happy and contented...a truly beautiful family.
It's a pleasure to be their friends.