Blogging

Potty Mummy really is a super Chum! I am one of her biggest fans, I have to say, she is hilarious, so I'm jolly chuffed at this award. I won't gush anymore because my keyboard will short-out on me.

Have I mentioned I've been given an award? It's made this week a whole lot better than last. I couldn't bring myself to Blog much at all last week, I felt far too miserable and wasn't about to inflict it on the Blogosphere and frighten off all those people who read my Blog.
I love reading Blogs, I love reading the comments, often laughing out loud and making my family shout "what?, what is it that's funny?". I feel I have built a relationship with people I have never met, probably never will and I (think) I have made friends who judge me on the nonsense I spout, not on the car I drive or the way I speak. My opinionated rhetoric and snobbishness, love of wine and often use of bad language don't alienate me from these ladies. I have found a place I can be myself, totally at ease (and also never worry if my bum looks big). I love the fact that we all seem to be from ranging socio-economic circles and totally different lifestyles, but still share a fantastic sense of humour and banter. Insults often fly between us and butt in to each others comments boxes and I laugh and smile at all the funny things that are said.
I find myself wondering what some of you are up to if I haven't heard from you for a while. Blogging is socialising with people you want to bother with, I don't have to be on time, I can be wearing Prada or Pyjamas, it's not what matters. I love it.
Did I mention I'd got an award?

I Don't Like Mondays

It's Monday isn't it?
Can I just say aaaaaaaagrgghhhhhhhaaaahhhhhhhh!
That's better.
Ok, apart from my car having a puncture (oh no..more tyres!), me ripping the pocket on my Driza Bone on the stupid seat lifty upppy handle in MIL's 2-door Fiesta (argghh!!), and number three daughter crying because of her dress, tights, shoes, jumper everything is fine.
Oh, and I forgot, everyone refused to get out of bed.
I threatened to sing, so they all scrambled into bed with Darling Husband.
He didn't want to get up either because it's so windy and wet, so they all elected to stay in bed all day with Dad.

"OK, let me make this QUITE clear you are ALL getting up, you are ALL getting dressed, and I am leaving in half an hour with all of you - UP! NOW!"

A herd of dainty elephants charged the landing and flattened the bathroom door.

Daughter No. 3 cryed becasue we've run out of Cheerios.
Daughter No. 1 wasn't hungry (she usually eats like a very big bellied thing that's very ravenous)
Daughter No. 2 was NOT happy because she hates her school trousers (now she tells me)

Daughter number one has been very unwell and needed a blood test. I didn't inform her of this until we were in the nurses room. She is really terrified of needles and was not going to give blood very easily. This probably stems from her firm belief that she is a vampire, I mean, they don't exactly give it away do they?

MIL was not saying any of the right things to daughter No.1 about blood tests. That's all I'll say. I was extremely stressed and fit to burst.
That and saying 'what?' because she won't wear her hearing aid.

My laptop refused to Boot Up until this afternoon, I can't find the form for No.3's school intake and she's 'moved' paperwork from my desk with quotes on.

Deep breaths, never mind the glass, I'll just take the bottle thanks.

Stress

I knew the day would be a stressful one.
As always, I get up early and downlaod emails while I make my first cup of tea (aahh!).
I sat down at my desk and saw 154 emails in my Inbox!
Bloody Hell, my sale must be going well, I thought.
But no, 151 of those emails had been delivered before, for some e-reason I got all sorts os emails re-delivered, some dating back to the middle of December. No rhyme or reason, not the last 154 emails, just a sprinkling here and there.

Computer is also on go-slow, Teenager has been downloading 'music' (I'm getting so not with it), even though express instructions forbid it. 18 bugs/viruses have appeared.

My smallest daughter has taken to modelling my wellies at every opportunity so there's been plenty of mud walked through the kitchen today.

I studied the sky, heard the Thunder (really) and after extracting a littles girls' pair of feet, put on my wellies, a warm jacket, and went outside with a brush and bottle of car wax. I gave the car a good brushing and waited for the rain to wash it all off - the wind changed direction and the sun came out,, bugger it!

Bedtime loomed for the little on, she refused to go to bed.
I threatened to eat all the Jaffa Cakes if she didn't hurry up.
This caused hysterics, foot stamping of Noh Theatre quality and made everyone turn their backs on her so she wouldn't see us laughing.
She proceeded to get an impressive grip on anything she could to prevent being carried upstairs, obviously there's too much spinach in her diet!

Oh, and the best of all, Shirl gave Darling Husband his Christmas Present (cue Sindy voice) "better late than never!"
Now Darling Husband isn't quite as snobby as me about presents, but even he draws the line at musical ties from '99p Stores Ltd' (that's what the label says!)that play Christmas songs. There are ugly gnomes and elves playing guitars on it.
Darling Husband wore it to feed the cattle today.
Whatever next?

I think , therefore I am

'Tis Elsie Button who has influenced me to write this post - she said I sound(ed) flash.
hmm, well, I don't think I'm flashy and I don't expose myself to others(i.e. flash), but I do have ideas above my station and I am very snobby about some things, most certainly.
My mother had a pink Jaguar when I was little, my parents always drove Jaguars, and so I naturally wanted one. Mine though, wasn't too flash, quite old and inexpensive to buy. I would fool myself I was cruising sedately, when really it was because the car only did 25mpg. I loved the smell of the leather seats and the purr of the engine. I quite liked the envy in other peoples' eyes, little realising their cars cost far more than mine.
But never fear, this frog is not a posh one.

Here's a few things about me, just so you know:
I'm not Welsh and I don't say "there's lovely!" (although I do live in Wales).
I don't wear gren wellies, oops, or green ones.
My spelling is exclleent
I don't wear a Barbour Jacket
Darling Husband does not wear a flat cap, but he likes moleskin trousers in this weather.
I have a wicked sense of humour and I'm very elephant, I mean eloquent.
I do not have a drinkth prbolem! (hic!)

Reminiscing

My dear e-pal, Potty Mummy has got me thinking about the olden days.
I had a clean car once, without bits of crisps between the seats, bits that the hoover will not quite reach. I could put the stereo on really loud without anyone complaining, have the windows down and sing as much as I wanted to. No-one would whine "I'm too cold" or "stop singing" or "I want Horrid Henry".
I loved my Jaguar, it was gleaming red, leather seats..mmm.
Darling Husband insisted I sell it, too expensive and just plain stupid for running the little one up to Playgroup and back at the village hall, and I was expecting number 2.
I told him I would put the advert in and say what a cruel and heartless man he was.
The advert will say "much loved Jaguar XJS, cruel and heartless man forces sale"

When the phone rang, my husband went into sales mode, yes, nice condition, yes, very reliable, used every day.....um, yes, I am.."

He put the phone down, "I can't believe you DID that!!"

I did warn him, it sold the car though.

Piglets and Frogs in pink wellies

They are here!!
Look closely, this isn't some smutty image, but a photo of my piglets born this evening. They are just an hour or so old in this photo. My lovely Mummy Pig, Pepper, has had six gorgeous piglets who squeak and grunt delightfully. They had soft rubbery noses, pink padded feet and soft furry backs, I love them!
Being the farmers wife I am (that is completely useless)I felt rather squeamish watching the poor thing giving birth and then having to have so many nipples yanked about..ooh! But, I did look rather cool (bloody freezing) in my new fuchsia Hunters and Aubergine Toggi jacket (well I think I did!).
Spending a Saturday night in the barn with a large pig in labour was OK, but we did have to for-go a rather nice drinks party at Richard and Christina's (humph!).
Anyway, I'm off back up to the barn to check my post-natal hog and babies before bed.

Note to Self

When old, remember the following:

It's really irritating not to wear your hearing aid, so wear it, and switch it on.
Taking it out of your handbag, explaining how it works and then putting it back into the bag and shoving under the table, really doesn't endear you to anyone, especially as you say "What?" all the time or join in the conversation with a completely different one...(I could go on, but you probably aren't listening)

Don't stand around making pointless polite conversation while loudly breaking wind. True, everyone does pretend your not doing it, but believe me, it's not lady like or pleasant, and not a very good example to the children. Also, don't walk into your daughter-in-laws' house, break wind for a few minutes and then leave. Just stay outside.

Try not to spoil the Christmas Games by giving away the answers all the time. If the children struggle a bit reading the cards, well they'll get there....believe me now, it's a lot less painful letting them work it out than you insisting on helping, getting up to find your glasses, knocking things over and then giving out the answer instead of the clue because you're deaf and didn't hear a little girl giving you very polite clear instructions, because you haven't got your HEARING AID ON!!!

Don't stand in the way the whole time someone is trying to put a meal out for 20 people. Saying politely, "I always stand in your way", and smiling sweetly doesn't help one bit. On arrival, go into any room other than the kitchen and stay there until tucker time.

Oh, and please, never, ever finish off every bodies sentences. It does have the tendency to infuriate and does indeed deserve a slap. You will also never say what the other person intended.

With this in mind, old age should be fairly trouble free for you now.