New Premises

Oh how I could ribbit loudly!!
I am sitting here in my new office and it's just divine!
There's not a cat/dog/wellington boot/chainsaw to be seen, and I shall hide the key so it stays this way.

I have purchased executive furniture and built it all myself (swagger), it's lovely.
But it's been difficult getting permission for such spaces, the bureaucracy involved to get it passed by Darling Husband has been quite a challenge.

Darling Husband: What exactly is the point of you moving out of the house into an office? I mean what can you do out there that you can't do in here?

Frog: I would like my own space

Darling Husband: You've got loads of space

Frog: I have to share it with everyone!...I can't even wee on my own!

Darling Husband: Give me one good reason why you need a proper office

Frog: You know last night when that posh lady from London phoned to enquire about party bags and I was talking to here from in here?

Darling Husband: Yes (teeth beginning to gnash at the thought of a spending spree)

Frog: You recall you have a bit of 'cat trouble' while I was on the phone?

Darling Husband: grunt (frowning) the 'kin cat was in the kitchen and it should be outside!

Frog: Well, while I was talking to her you yelled audible expletives at the feline and slammed the door in a somewhat aggressive manner.

Darling Husband: Well

Frog: Well she didn't phone back..

Darling Husband : Oh.

I wish I'd thought of it months ago, I could have got Potty Mummy to call me (she's very posh).

My wonderful daughter won First Prize at the village flower show with this vegetable person, and I can say with all honesty that her father's official position as Chairman had nothing to do with the result!

She's very creative and rather mad, I'm sure I don't know where she gets it from (innocent smile). She has the most incredible imagination and I'm sure she'll invent something completely amazing one day. My buckets, kept by the outside taps for watering my piglets, is often found containing a 'potion' that she and her friend Doodle have concocted. They spend hours outside with sticks and broken fence posts completely in their element and if I get a delivery while he's here they beg for the cardboard cases because it's just what they need to finish off their latest den.
Last week they tried to make a skateboard out of two long planks of wood. I think it finally failed on the aerodynamics assessment.

My youngest is following her sister in the mad stakes, last night she announced she would get her pyjamas on 'as quick as a bumble bee'!!

My eldest genius teenager was looking through the Thesaurus, perfecting her latest creative text when middle daughter said she thought big sister 'as descriptive as a pancake'! ...we're not sure if it was a compliment or not.

And it's got me wondering in general, surely it can't be my fault they are like this? But then everywhere I go people start laughing after a few minutes and it's not just because I may have my skirt tucked into my underwear. I have strange conversations with people usually ending with them choking with laughter..why is that?

Why do very large ladies always drive Smart Cars or old Fiat 500's?
Why do little men drive big cars like old Ford Cortina's?
Let's hope that Emma Chawner, who now lives in her car has something larger. She does looks like she's chawed through quite a few things!

Recent phone call:
Ms S: Hello I'm very posh!
Frog: Yes Hello I, also am very posh!
Ms S: I've had a pedicure, I didn't know what it was
Frog: Didn't you wonder what they were doing down there?
Ms S: choked laughing
Frog: That's very posh...I've had a spa treatment, that's posh
Ms S: Ooh I could do that now I've got 2 swimsuits that fit me. I used to have to wear one that was too small and one over the top that was too big and it looked a bit odd. Mind you, once I've got my black hat and goggles on it doesn't seem to matter....I'm a bit of a man-magnet when I go swimming!
Frog: choking, splutter crying laughing
Ms S: Yes, my husband has never minded me going swimming, but the children don't like my black hat.
Frog: I'm not going swimming with you if you're going to wear a black hat!
Ms S: I always wear a black hat
Frog : Oh (thinks OHMYGOD!!! surely she's joking)
Ms S: I do , I always wear it (sounding a tad hurt)
Frog: But you must look like a safety match!

Now I'm just wondering on a scale of 1 to 10 how much damage I've just done to my friendship?

Butlins a summer family experience for the Frog Family!!

I've had a complaint about my lack of posts from my friend Mrs B.. I've not been too inspired to write because Darling Husband is seriously suffering at the moment and it's stressful to watch him in obvious pain.
But..we, myself, three girls and 'Shirl' went on a trip together( I know, I know) and it was brilliant, lovely and relaxing. To be perfectly honest it was the perfect break for me at this time, I felt shocking before we left and healthier and more relaxed when I arrived home (which is saying something with Shirl map reading, I can tell you).
We went to stay at the brand spanking new hotel Butlins have just opened in Bognor Regis.The pic above shows the fantastic mirror floor below a huge glass piece of art.

Last time I went to Butlins, I was eleven, my Dad had just bought a new XJ6 Jaguar and it seemed to rather stand out a little in the Butlins carpark at Pwllheli. I remember the cheque stub for the car was for £16,000 and was a tad disappointed with the grand spend on our all inclusive holiday was a mere £120.
Accommodation was a little dark and dreary, rather akin to an allotment potting shed as I remember, so I was a little apprehensive about going now with my children.
But I needn't have worried, my goodness, it is fantastic, amazing and a complete hit with all 5 of us, and almost all cars were tip top too (a few Skodas I noticed)


Our room was a family room....well OHMYGOD!! it was awesome! I wanted to sleep in the children's den but they wouldn't let me.
I had to suffer and sleep in here with the comfy beds and colour changing lights, large double glazed patio doors and a fabulous view of the Ocean from our private balcony.

My children had to sleep in a den with flat screen TV, funky wall art, big storage boxes for 'stuff' and the best finishing touch....Butlins now have a guarantee of no monsters under the bed...they even illuminate the underside of the bed to show there's nothing there to worry about...how cool is that?
The rooms are totally awesome.
Youngest scrumplet had a bubbly bath with colour changing lights playing on the water. She loved it and after wrapping herself in huge soft towels declared herself as clean as a pineapple!
Our first day was not spent doing a knobbly knees competition or glamorous granny contest (though I'm sure Shirl would have won)...no, no, we had glasses of Pimms made to perfection served to us while we watched enormous flying fish wander around. Tyson the Robot came over and sang us a few songs and broke wind at the children (very rude if you ask me), oh and we had to listen to stunning performances by a trio of classical musicians, it was wonderful. There were also two giant seagulls wandering around sticking their beaks into here and there, very amusing for my youngest she adored them.
Lunch is a buffet to end all others. It served a huge range and yet the chef still offered to cook something especially for a fussy child, at which I was very impressed. Not only was the food inviting, it tasted fantastic and yet was so reasonably priced, brilliant indeed.
The service both at the bar and in the restaurant was faultless, polite and enthusiastic...what was going on? I felt it was all too good to be true but the next day...great food, great service, lovely manners, all just how it should be.
And the Decor, well they've thought of all the really cool finishing touches that teenagers want to see..cool lights, funky chairs, wicked shaped mirrors, iridescent perspex room dividers and a glittery pink floor...wow!

I decided to go into the Spa and be able to report how rubbish and what a waste of time it is...well it isn't, it awesome, so awesome I went twice in just one day. My children reported that I not only looked great when I cam e out but I wasn't even wrinkly (how terribly sweet).
Shirl however found a few points to complain about...no lock on the bathroom door (same as at home then..), no enough soap and shampoo in the bathroom...(yes well, if she wanted to nick some they would have to bring more!), the rain got onto our balcony (no! really!!), erm but I think that was about it.
I was sad to leave, which is a good sign and shall be rebooking our next trip very soon.
On the long drive home we passed a wind sock.
Middle daughter: What's that Mummy?
Me 'a wind sock'
Middle daughter: I wonder why we don't get wind pants!'

It was a long drive home .. sigh!

Epiphany

Our household cavalry cannot get into the small peeps bedroom for 'important things' placed carefully at the lowest level (chucked all over the floor).
I have threatened but obviously never hit the mark.
Yesterday I was a fearless frog - I took the black bags in.

And here's the epiphany...
One should never lift the rug in your child's bedroom.
Never should one move that enormous soft toy receptacle in the corner.

If a child doesn't have enough pencil crayons to last them and all their friends their entire lives by the time they are ten years old, they have sadly been the victim of a serious house fire or other similar serious calamity.

Those jigsaw puzzles given by loving relatives are all mixed up into a haze that can never be cleared.

Have you lost your daughters hair band?
I have it here...wedged between the bedroom floorboards, along with every bead you've ever bought a child,ever.

Oh and never let your teenager move their own wardrobes while painting their room lime green, purple and silver (I kid you not).

Beads...in the vacuum
Hairbands...in a hairband box (until school starts)
wardrobes..outside in bits (twitch!)

Always Use the Green Cross Code

I know, I know, I haven't done my taggy things yet, I will, I promise...
It's just I've read some news that I feel rather passionately about.
Now, I've started to Twitter (in more ways than one I'm sure) and have noticed one or two rather raunchy types following me.
I couldn't understand why and then I clicked (no pun intended), I have the word 'party' in my profile.... besides wondering whether I'll be getting interesting party bag orders in the near future, it just shows how easily a few innocent phrases online can be misconstrued and potentially get you involved with people you'd really rather not.
May I say here and now ...I do not 'party'!! No more of the 3> messages please!

But, getting back to my point, teenagers follow trends and want to be liked and accepted and have tons of friends. Fitting in is what it's all about because if you don't, life can be hell. I have recently heard of a few cases of vile and persistant bullying and it can go beyond the playground. These teenagers are then going to seek some solace in finding friends elsewhere, ones they can talk to, be heard and understood..the internet.
Now I guess I'm breaking all my rules because I Blog, and this was mentioned when my teenager wanted to use social networking sites.
'Mum, you write to people you don't know...you go and meet them!! What's the difference?'
The difference is I have 27 years more experience, I have that gut feeling that wasn't there when I was younger, I'm a Mother and I see things in the world that frighten me and have to do what I think is right to keep my children safe (and hopefully get it right).
Thankfully her school has banned Bebo, and for my daughter real friends and writing a novel is her priority, but sadly I have seen some of her school mates Facebook pics and they just give the wrong impression. At 15 they want to have friends, look attractive and get their first boyfriend, they don't believe there are paedophiles on these sites.
Lets face it, when you were a teenager did you think you were so much more streetwise than your parents?

Contact lists on sites talk about ’friends’, but social networking sites stretch the traditional meaning of ‘friends’ to mean anyone with whom a user has an online connection. Therefore the term can include people who the user has never actually met or spoken to...and these are the exciting ones, and potentially the most dangerous.

I think teaching interent safety is as important as teaching your children to cross the road, have good manners and not speak to strangers.....

Here's some new research from McAfee, the internet security company, which surveyed 1,000 mums and dads across the UK about their approach to online safety for their kids.


The findings also highlight a clear call to action for parents to open up communications with their children about online safety and use:

· Only a fifth (19%) of parents regularly talk to their children about online safety and one parent in 10 has never raised the subject of security

· Almost half (46%) of parents aren’t aware that their children have any online profiles, and a third don’t think they use any form of online communication

· Yet reports show that this is not the case

TOP TIPS FOR PARENTS:

· Switch on security controls – Get to know what protection your anti-virus software or security suite provides. Activating parental controls and setting the right level of security is the first step you should take to create a safer surfing environment for your children.

· Careful PC placement – Put the family PC in a communal area (such as the living room or kitchen) with the screen facing the room as this will allow you to more easily see how your children use the Internet.

· Open up discussions and hold regular joint Internet sessions with your children - Being online is no different than being outside; you always want to know where your children are and become familiar with the places they visit. Ask your child about their online friends, in the same way as you would about their school and neighbourhood friends. Encourage your children to surf with you so that they can talk you through the different tools they use and their favourite websites. This will encourage a joint learning experience with the child teaching parents more about Internet tools and the parent offering the adult point of view.

· Actively educate yourself – Use the Internet to see what’s out there; join some social networks yourself (and perhaps add your children as friends) to see how the new tools work to better understand what the potential risks could be.

· Work as a team to set boundaries – Discuss with your child exactly what is safe and unsafe online behaviour regarding the kind of websites they visit, the social networks they use and the chat rooms they visit. Make sure you talk with children specifically about what is and is not appropriate behaviour online.

· Make sure your children understand basic rules for using social networks – They should guard their passwords and never post personally identifying information or inappropriate photos. Blogs and social networking sites offer privacy tools that can be turned on to restrict potentially dangerous users. The sites often automatically provide these protective tools to children under 15 years old. Children should share information only with people they know from the real world.

· Stanger Danger – Stress to your child that they need to tell you if they receive any odd or upsetting messages while chatting and that you will not be angry with them or ban the Internet as a result. Make it clear to the child that you understand that they cannot control what other people say to them.

· Recognise that cybercriminals don’t target a specific type of person – they are opportunists looking to take advantage and make money from all online users, regardless of age.

Another Day another caterpillar

It's been a very long day..sigh.
I was woken by the teenager asking me to wash her socks, oh joy!
Darling Husband pulled the quilt off me, because I was annoying him looking so snuggled up and cosy...sigh.

I gave sock washing instructions which I discovered were followed to the letter...apart from the actual sock bit, they were no-where to be seen. You know sometimes I think I'm wasting my money on her education!

I dried the socks with the hairdryer, cooked scrambled eggs and baked beans, persuaded the younger two to get their uniforms on and took them up to the bus stop.
"Why do boys have willies, Mummy?" ...sigh...

Me: 'OOh, look, there's bus!'

I came in to the kitchen and made a cup of tea.
Read a ton of emails
Emptied the dishwasher and re-stacked it
Made a loaf of Bread
Fed 28 pigs and carried 10 buckets of water
Put the washing out
Filled the washing machine
Cooked sausages and peeled potatoes
Answered emails
Made Chelsea Buns and Danish Pastries
Put the washing out
Filled the washing machine
Found something for tea out the freezer
Answered emails
Put the washing out
Filled the washing machine (Isn't life terribly exciting some days?)

'Yes of course I can dispatch that today!' (heck I'm starting the school run in ten minutes!
I was terribly brave and followed instructions to go into Somerfield (OHMYGOD!!)and buy their bargain of the day Daz soap powder (we use a ton a day, I'm sure).
I paid a bill
Sent the enormous parcel
Collected teenager from posh school
Came home to find Darling Husband asleep on the sofa..grrr!
Put tea on to cook
worked on my NVQ
Put tea out
Uttered the immortal words..."Darling sit down and take your snorkel off at the table" (No, I'm not kidding)
Worked on my NVQ
Bathed the girls
Fed 28 Pigs and carried 10 buckets of water
Oh..I forgot to mention,
my new boots, did you know I have new Berghaus boots ?
Hmm, well, my lovely new boots were outside the back door where all boots should be.
I picked them up, shook them and bashed them delicately against the wall to loosen any dust or foreign objects that might have found their way in.
All dust out...
Foot in!
Squelch!
Gosh what's that green sticky stuff on my sock and more importantly in my new boot???
A very squished caterpillar...euck!!
Shudder!
yuck
yuckky
yuck...a very long day indeed.

Evolution of the Frog

So here at Frog Towers there have been some equipment updates and changes made in an attempt to cope with an increase in business, piglet population and hot weather.

So it's time to say goodbye to my purple wellies, it's just too hot for them so I have scrubbed them clean of 'organic matter' and put them neatly away until the Autumn.
My old purple walking boots have fallen to bits and so I thought I'd better have a good look for hiking shoes to take their place, not an easy task when you really do have feet like a frog (wider than they are long).
I must have the most awkward feet, really, I do....and... I suffer with all sorts of yuck foot-type ailments, so good shoes are very high on my list of priorities.
As usual, hurrah!! for the internet. three or four clicks and tada!! the postie Dude (as he affectionately called by the younger people in our house) delivers the very next day.

I am donning my few day old Berghaus Explorers perfectly suited to our rough terrain and occasional inclement weather (the only trouble is they're so comfortable I can't take them off). Darling Husband is asking if I shall be wearing them when I go to bed...he's just jealous!

I must say I was a tad concerned when Darling Husband read the info: " Berghaus boots
engineered from the inside out!...Ha! You'll never get the laces done up!"
But the laces are indeed on the outside and I managed them just fine!
They are not only perfectly grippy and comfortable walking across the 100 acres that is camp Frog, they are just lovely for wearing all day long, really light but really strong all at once..very clever.
.... useful for the speedy way I gracefully run to my executive storage facility and back to my desk.
...support in all the right places and no diggy-inny bits anywhere around my ankles.
Gosh I shall be the talk of the pig pen!
Oh how I shall walk to the school bus now...
....am I there yet?