Stupidity occurs more than we care to admit

BRAINS OF BRITAIN

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman:
What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?

Contestant:
Homosexuals..

Jeremy Paxman:
No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you





BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:
Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:
Geography isn't my strong point.

Jamie Theakston:
There's a clue in the title.

Contestant:
Leicester





BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White:
Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:
I don't know.

Stewart White:
I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:
Arm

Stewart White:
Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?

Contestant:
Strong.

Stewart White:
Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?

Contestant:
Louis

Stewart White:
Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:
Frank Sinatra?




LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )

Alex Trelinski:
What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant:
France .

Trelinski:
France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:
Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski:
Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:
Sorry, I don't know.

Trelinski:
Just guess a country then.

Contestant:
Paris .




THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:
Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:
The Conservative Party.




BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark:
For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis:
I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?




UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne:
What was Gandhi's first name?

Contestant:
Goosey?




GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter:
What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant:
I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.




PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO? MANCHESTER )

Phil:
What's 11 squared?

Contestant:
I don't know.

Phil:
I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:
Is it five?




RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:
Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:
Forrest Gump.




RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:
On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:
Er. ... ...

Richard:
He makes bread . . .

Contestant:
Er .. .......

Richard:
He makes cakes . . .

Contestant:
Kipling Street ?




LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter:
Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:
Barcelona .

Presenter:
I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:
I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain ..




NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question:
What is the world's largest continent?

Contestant:
The Pacific..




ROCK FM ( PRESTON )

Presenter:
Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant:
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?




THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre:
What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:
Magna Carta?




JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O'Brien:
How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:
Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth .. ER. ER ... Three?





CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )

Chris Searle:
In which European country is Mount Etna ?

Caller:
Japan .

Chris Searle:
I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:
Er ........... Mexico ?




PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )

Paul Wappat:
How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause):
Fourteen days.




DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham:
In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant:
Holland ?

Daryl Denham:
Try the next letter of the alphabet..

Contestant:
Iceland ? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully)
It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:
No.




PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood:
What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:
Er... ..... ..

Phil Wood:
It's got two syllables . . . Kor .

Contestant:
Blimey?

Phil Wood:
Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . .

Contestant:
(Silence)

Phil Wood:
OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . ..

Contestant:
Walked?




THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes:
What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant:
Nostalgia.




LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter:
What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant:
Jewish.

Presenter:
That's close enough.




STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright:
Johnny Weissmuller died on this day.. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant:
Jesus.

Wipeout!!!

Now you know I'm not an Asda girl generally but one must always make exceptions and I shall travel the 20 miles to my nearest store next week.
I hear one can get their mortgage paid off for a year...yep, definitely worth the exception.
The big softies from Andrex say they want to alleviate some of the financial woes people are facing and give families some extra money allowing them to spend more time together. Andrex is giving people the chance to win rent or mortgage payments for a year up to the value of £12,000!!
(Also there is the advantage of clean bottoms)

Step1 - Buy your special promotional pack of Andrex from ASDA stores from the 15th of March (for one week only).

Step.2 - Go to www.andrexpuppypoints.co.uk/asda and sign up

Step 3 - Enter the code on the inside of pack and you will qualify for one free entry into the competition

I shall have to work on my tessellation skills and see how many rolls I can fit in the spare room, I am determined to win!

Meme

My lovely friend Dulwich Mum has commanded me to do this (one musn't argue with the Queen Bea).
THE RULES:
1. Open the first photo folder you find
2. Scroll to the 10th photo
3. Post the photo and tell the story behind it
4. Tag 5 or more people
So here it is, my pic is of our youngest daughter on her 6th Birthday.
She's taking a call from Shirl (she's busy, no time to be at your grand-daughters' Birthday when there's better things to do!).
She has a mouthful of food, laughing like anything and is sat between the grand-daughter of Teddy Goldsmith and the son of Eddie Butler.
She had the most wonderful tea with her friends, then had a story read to them all on the lawn, by her God-fathers' teenage son.
A lovely Birthday indeed.

I nominate:
Potty Mummy
Adventure Togs
Little Sunflowers
Nappy Valley Housewife
Talking Tots

Part 2..The Grove with Dulwich Mum & her lightbulb moments

I woke at 4.15am with a streaming cold and also by the giggling next door, Dulwichmum seemed to have hooked up with her 'Barrister', though she tells me she was having her daily pedicure from her personal masseuse (she brought a whole entourage of staff with her).
I felt rotten and wandered across my enormous room to find a Dualit Kettle and a whole array of choice hot drinks, even a cafetiere, brilliant. A few hot cups of tea later and I felt ready to sample the shower.
The bathroom adjoining my room was palatial, well designed and so relaxing. I also didn't have any visitors while I was in there which I'm sure any Mum will agree is quite a novelty.
The shower was fabulous, I loved the sink, the bath, I loved the taps (some guests had trouble with the plug functionality, though I won't mention anyone in particular from the Evening Standard).

I emerged from the bathroom and had more tea from the delightfully posh kettle and then climbed back into my enormous bed with crisp sheets and went back to sleep.
Quite frankly I felt like I'd had a fantastic break already and I hadn't even done anything yet!
I woke later, rang Bea and then it dawned on me how well insulated the rooms were(I lied abut the giggling), I couldn't hear the phone ring next door and she couldn't hear me wandering around and making a racket at a ridiculous time in the morning...thank goodness we had separate rooms!

Well the new day brought new challenges and little did I know when DM and I planned the weekend away, that author and life coach Nina Grunfeld would be helping us reconsider our life direction.
I ate my delicate breakfast of banana smoothie, fresh yogurt and muesli and then the most perfectly cooked pancakes


while Bea scoffed down an 16oz Rump topped with bacon, sausages and organic free range eggs (in a delicate and ladylike manner of course!). I pondered our day wanting to clonk Bea over the head for getting me into this 'life course' with people who were bound to be needy cranks and weirdos...oh how wrong I was!

DM fluttered her eyelashes at the concierge and demanded he take us across the grounds in the hotel limousine to meet with the Life Coach...and we met our group.
My old age prevents me from remembering everybody's name but there was Eugene, a fashion designer for some very cool labels, a lovely exciting lady who owns a swanky art gallery in Notting Hill, Liz, a tremendously fun lady who allows the London Evening Standard to publish her articles, Barry a song-writer and Becky a qualified NLP coach. I was really pleased to meet Lee-Anne, another Mum (though she was annoying because she has a career and good figure too). All these fabulous people together, no cranks, I shouldn't pre-judge.

Nina Grunfeld is a super nice lady, intelligent and fun.
She gave us a short introduction explaining that Life Clubs is about people helping people because it feels good to do so (a little like Blogging I thought).
We started by drawing circles to represent different parts of our lives, which I thought was weird, but yet again I need to be slapped about the head terribly nicely for being silly. We were put into pairs and once we looked at eachothers' circles questions were asked;
why is your mother at the centre? (not me obviously)
Why is there so much space around your circles?
Which circles would you like to make smaller?
What would happen if that one grew bigger?
It was fascinating.
We were fresh eyes to eachother's lives and how we perceive them. No-one was judgemental, we were all interested and surprised at what we'd drawn ourselves.
We moved on through the morning, writing down things we enjoyed, treats we'd like if we weren't restricted by money or commitments, a list of things we loved to do when we were little.
Dulwich Mum wrote an incredible list but I can't possibly repeat any of it (whisper.....you should have seen what she plans to buy with James' bonus!)
Over Saturday morning and the next morning every one of us in the room had 'lightbulb moments' from writing down thoughts and passions and through discussion. Relationships and friendships blossomed.
I saw one lady gain strength, determination and confidence to do what she'd always wanted to but was not confident enough to actually start. I know she now has.

I realised my passion in life is creativity. It doesn't mean I have to sell my business, wear a smock and be an artist, it means I need to bring something creative back into my life to make me feel balanced and give me pleasure.
I came home and booked myself into a Pottery Class with my old teacher and had the most fantastic time throwing pots last week!
The best thing Nina said was..'Don't feel guilty..if you don't want to do something, don't do it (she has some sort of explaining to do to Darling Husband about the laundry), pay someone else to do it and don't feel guilty about it.

I loved the Life Club and of course there's so much more to it than I've told you. But I have to say, I went to The Grove wanting to pamper myself in the Spa, drink cocktails and eat and sleep, and as much as I did all those things and loved it, the Life Club with Nina Grunfeld was without question the icing on the exquisite cake.
I was totally sceptical and thought I'd hate it.
I only went because Dulwich Mum is so dominating and threatened me with her Mulberry handbag while it contained the entire Estee Lauder range (very scary).
And I'm so, so delighted I went, I loved it and would love to go again.
I feel so much more satisfied with my life and I know my direction my clearly.
So I have decided that one of the things I must do in life is let the world see the real Dulwich Mum.
See her in the flesh, no more hiding behind a champagne glass on her capacious balcony. I'm sorry Bea, I love you dearly but it's time for the world to see you.




“Best Life” Retreats will take place on the following dates:
Friday 5 – Sunday 7 March
Friday 19 – Sunday 21 March
Friday 26 – Sunday 28 March

For £480 per person (based on two people sharing) the package includes:
•Two nights accommodation in the West Wing
•All meals
•One hour treatment in Sequoia Spa
•Unlimited use of all the facilities with Sequoia Spa
•Two "Best Life" workshops and a copy of The Life Book

Try it and you too will walk out sighing with contentment, Bea and I were, it's fantastic!

The Grove, a fabulous Retreat (Part 1)

I cannot deny the total smugness on the face of both Dulwich Mum and myself last weekend when we stepped from our London Cab onto the gravel drive outside The Grove...we had arrived!
Bea and I have been thinking about a luxury Spa break in January for some time. I felt like a wound up clock ready to burst open, springs flying in all directions, last year was one tragedy after another and I just felt desperate for the world to stop and let me get off for a day or two and this was just perfect.

The setting is beautiful, one is driven down a long drive over a private bridge. Oak Trees and manicured gardens are either side and surround the beautiful buildings and walled garden (with private beach...how cool is that!)

Our arrival was met with a flurry of excitement, as one would expect with a celebrity such as Dulwich Mum in their midst. Our cases were whisked away and once we were checked in, the receptionist personally took us to our adjoining rooms.
I was so delighted (until Dulwich Mum insisted I give a £20 tip to the Bell Boy).."Well surely you don't expect me to tip the serfs! James always takes care of that sort of thing".

The Reception and hallways are graced with contemporary pieces of art in many forms. Each space within the building gives way to new images to feast upon, each piece in a minimal and well lit setting. The most recent addition to the collection can be seen in the oldest part of the building in one of the Halls leading through to the Lounges and Library. It is a short film in which Dulwich Mum was captured during the summer wandering around the Grove gardens in her birthday suit, donning just a straw hat and basket of flowers, I found it all rather shocking, but DM simply smirked and marched on towards awaiting Champagne.

We had a very civilised chilled glass of fizz, served with good grace and humour by a waiter in one of the lounges. They are perfect...open fireplaces, antiques, low lighting for complete relaxation, it was super splendid in every respect.

Two bottles of Champagne later we walked gracefully and in a ladylike manner to The GlassHouse Restaurant, for a buffet dinner. I have to admit I was a tad disappointed to be told it was a buffet, but, OHMYGOD!! it was amazing!
There was a huge Chocolate Fountain in the middle just waiting for me to leap in! There was food for almost every palate and we were assured that if there was something in particular we would like to eat, just speak to the chef, he's there to please. At this point DM cast her eye over the kitchen staff in such a way I thought she'd order one of them as her starter! The staff were super efficient, polite beyond words, but warm and formal at the same time.
I asked what breed the beef was..'Aberdeen Angus, Madam'..gosh I felt at home.
It was delicious.
Well our first night ended at a very civilised 9.30pm.
Dulwich Mum continued to receive calls from both James and the mystery man, 'her barrister' all through the night. Thankfully the walls are so well built I was blissfully unaware of such things and slept like a baby...Oh, and did I mention the pillows? I must mention the pillows...there is choice of pillow...feather, memory foam, hard, soft, support...I was so happy! I had left my super expensive pillow at home under duress (Darling Husband told me not to be so bloody stupid!) and was worried about neck ache the following day, but ha! I found the perfect pillow, snuggled up and slept warmly and comfortably while DM juggled her love-life next door!

To be continued....

“Best Life” Retreats will take place on the following dates:

Friday 19 – Sunday 21 February
Friday 5 – Sunday 7 March
Sunday 21– Tuesday 23 March

For £480 per person (based on two people sharing) the package includes:

•Two nights accommodation in the West Wing
•All meals
•One hour treatment in Sequoia Spa
•Unlimited use of all the facilities with Sequoia Spa
•Two "Best Life" workshops and a copy of The Life Book by Nina Grunfeld

Win a Stunning Piece of Jewellery

Here's a fabulous opportunity to win some beautiful jewellery.
Have a look at Chambers & Beau
Link to their post and get entered into the competition, so easy and you won't even break a nail!
*Please note the image is one I have found and used, and is not the prize on offer*

Retreat

The Frog is calm and chilled beyond belief.
I feel fantastic!
I will write my report about my Retreat at The Grove including ALL the bad habits of socialite Dulwich Mum (so scandalous!)
Please call back on Thursday............
Frog
x