Insurance

My husband has a policy which he pays for just once every year. A salesman (always a man)phones us to announce the payment is due and calls to collect it within a few days. This only happens once a year, but it's far too often for my liking.
This time he phones at 10.45pm, no whiff of an apology for it being so late!
He complained he'd hurt his leg, da deed da, yawn.....
He turned up the next day...three hours late, and his body language was all indicating that he was expecting to walk into the house and given a nice cup of tea.
Not a chance of that, he was a detestible little round man with his tie half done up, greasy hair, and he was all sweaty...ugh!
Wow, I thought, a perfect example of how not to present ones-self.
He apologised for being so late, but his leg hurt so much he thought he'd give it a rest by driving at only 30 miles an hour instead of 60. I'm not sure it was an attempt at humour rather than total stupidity, I wasn't laughing.

This particular insurance company must write their adverts for staff as follows:
Wanted:
Crusty, stupid old men wanted for rural round.
Bad dress sense essential.
Must have no hygiene and display unpleasant facial skin condition.
Essential Quality is the ability to be irritating without even speaking.
No-one with good manners or common sense need apply.
Must have studied the book how to Lose Friends and Infuriate People.

Child Obesity

Sorry, I just cannot accept that obesity is a gene problem, a jean problem, yes!
I can eat more than most, and have to stay away from cups of tea otherwise I'll have to eat a packet of biscuits with it (there's nothing like a dunked biscuit.....awoawwmmm!) I know I've put on weight because I sit reading Dulwich Mum all day instead of running around being all fit and healthy, why can't people just be a bit realistic?

No exercise + unhealthy diet = very big person

I'll just say it the once, there were no fat people in Belsen.

ADPS in Men

I was at a party on Friday evening in Bristol. It was a beautiful evening, very pleasant. We all donned our best frocks. The newly engaged couple looked very glamorous (a rock of a ring - hmphh! I can't stand being outdone!) The sun set over the fields, children raced around and I enjoyed watching mine from the marquee-covered patio. Then I saw him, our eyes met across the dance floor. I decided, to hell with it, I'll make the first move.
I picked up my young daughters' large toy cat and walked slowly across the room.
Why are you wearing pyjamas and carrying that large toy dog? I asked him.
Are you, too suffering from ADPS?
The tall, dark, handsome man was even wearing bedsocks. He had no children with him.
And do you know, he looked at me with the toy cat, as if I were mad!