Tuesday, 13 May 2008

Never Work with Animals

First I would like to say a huge Thank you to Andy (also known as "Oy, you in the bushes") and Ken for staying up until 5.30 this morning working on my laptop to make it better.

My wonderful lady who 'does' for me left me a note saying:
"The vacuum cleaner's not sucking"........... ?!##!
I had to do a double take, I thought she'd really lost it this time and hadn't even bothered to finish the sentence. You see she hates our vacuum cleaner, with a passion. Darling Husband loves it, not that he uses it very often, come to mention it, neither do I.

Darling Husband was required to take it apart and sort it out, which he did with style and panache, if not a distinct odour of cattle.

We have had a love-hate relationship with the vacuum. When Fruitcake (my dog) first arrived she took a liking to the flex and chewed it into tiny pieces. I was furious, my 'lady' was delighted and brought her own hoover.
I picked up the iron to iron my daughters' school shirt. Fruitcake had chewed the flex into tiny pieces. I was furious, so was daughter number one. She had to go to school with her jumper on so no-one would see the creases and it was a very hot day.

I telephoned the local electrical appliance establishment and had a difficult conversation with a gentleman who was obviously a little hard of hearing.
"No, ROW-EN-TA, TA , yes"

He told me the parts would be in on Friday, OK, I worked out a system with my mother-in-law whereby I could use her iron for the school clothes, we’d manage just fine. Friday arrived and the telephone rang:
"I'm sorry but we are unable to locate any model iron made by the Heinz Baked Bean company, or indeed a Magimix Vacuum Cleaner and we're not clear what parts you need anyway". (grr!)
I politely, but, through gritted teeth explained the make and model vacuum I had, and the Iron I had, and that I needed electrical cables for both of them. The lady said she would put the order in and it would take another week. I wasn’t happy,why hadn’t they phoned me days before?
I suggested it would be more helpful if they employed some-one who wasn’t so hard of hearing to answer the phone.
She said:”he’s profoundly deaf”
I said: " well why is he answering the phone then?"
The sales lady curtly replied ”he is a member of staff and we cannot discriminate”.
My 'does' lady commented that it's lucky we only wanted the parts, the shop probably had a blind man doing repairs as well!

The following week I telephoned the shop, and yes, my parts had arrived and I said I would be in to collect them that afternoon. I walked into the shop and over to the customer service desk. The lady was chatting to some-one on the telephone, it sounded like a social call.
I waited patiently for a few minutes.
The lady didn’t look up or acknowledge my presence in any way.
I started feeling cross.
Two more customers arrived and stood behind me.
They too started getting cross.
The phone call ended and I explained I had come to collect the two flexes.
The lady said she would look in her book to find it.
She flicked through every page in a duplicate receipt book, licking her finger before turning every page.
“It’s not in this book, have we phoned you to say it’s here?”.
“ Yes” I said,” it’s just two flexes, surely some-one knows where they are? I did call to say I would be in this afternoon”.
“No, no, you don’t understand” she said, “if it’s here, it will say in the book. I’ll have to look in the book and see where it is and if it’s here, if it is here, it will be in the book” AGGGH!
She was saying 'book' so often, she started sounding like a chicken.

More page turning and finger licking, her chipped nail varnish was turning my stomach and I felt the urge to throttle her and then record it in the book.
She then picked up another book and turned every page in that one, the queue was getting very tetchy.
“Oh, here it is” , ahhh, a sigh of relief could be heard, almost felt.
She then stood up reached her arm out to the top of the filing cabinet next to her and picked up my electrical cables!!

I was speechless, all that fuss and self important bureaucracy and it was on the bloody filing cabinet next to her!

The second time Fruitcake ate the iron flex we went to a different shop in another town, but they lost the iron!
We now order the parts online and Darling Husband repairs the items just perfectly.(sigh!)


sunnyspotonahill said...

God don't you just hate that when your waiting to be served in the shop and you appear to be invisible because absolutely no-one is taking any notice! The worse place for that here is the post office, the only time I go is to pick up a parcel. There will be 2 people serving, a huge queue and no sense of urgency! You give them your card for your parcel and then it takes 2 of them to find it!

Milla said...

this is MY life, we both have vile hateful dogs, mine ate my iron (blogged about it, must get out more) and don't get me started on Dysons, they filled about 3 blogs. Am v impressed you thought of replacing the parts I had assumed that that was just impossible these days, that it was easier and cheaper just to contribute to landfill and buy another. Oh, but it is. You've just proved it.

GoneBackSouth said...

May I suggest you keep all electrical equipment in a high-up place? But smug-easy-to-say-in-hindsight suggestions aside, that finger-licking bureaucrat does sound like someone I would want to throttle too.

Expatmum said...

You obviously need to leave the appliances plugged in so that next time Fruitcake feels the urge to chew through a flex she'll get a little buzz reminding her that it's not allowed. (Just kidding!)

Pig in the Kitchen said...

Sweet FITF, after reading your tale of woe, I have come up with a solution. Fruitcake has to go.

Harsh, but true.

And thanks so much for the link to the chicken! At LAST I know what those brown, feathery birds are called. ;-)

Frog in the Field said...

Dear SS on a Hill, is there anything more annoying?

Dear Milla, I'm married to a farmer, they can fix ANYTHING!!

Dear Gone Back South, I though the windowledge was safe, but Fruitcake thinks she's a cat...what can I say?

Expat Mum, fantastic idea!! Harsh, but necessary.

Pig, I love Fruitcake!
Knew you'd appreciate the chicken link, I just couldn't resist. I was quite sensible before I e-met you, y'know.

Working mum said...

God bless the internet! It does away with the need to speak to shop assistants altogether. Makes shopping much more tolerable.

Sarah Brooks said...

OMG would it kill them to get a better system?

Exmoorjane said...

LOL - was reading this and thinking, 'you should read Milla on Dysons - and household appliances in general' and, lo and behold, the queen of the household appliance blog has been there before me....she can smell a malfunctioning Dyson at four hundred miles.
Huge thanks for comforting words on mine - really I'm fine, it's so awful it's becoming funny!
Saw you in the DT the other day - fabulous!

Frog in the Field said...

Hi Working Mum, the internet is fab for buying boring, but essential products.

Hi Sarah, yes, their system wasn't as efficient as turning her head ninety degrees would have been.

Hi Exmoor Jane, good to know you're chuckling...even at my expense!!!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee, 'She was saying 'book' so often, she started sounding like a chicken.' hilarious, but bit, you know, at the time. It must have been so annoying. And Fruitcake needs to change her ways. :D

Sparx said...

I think I would have been losing control of my vocabulary by that point... I become 'disgusted of Tunbridge Wells' if you scratch my surface only gently! Shocking behaviour!