Men

I'm just trying to catch up on paperwork, missed emails and bills, having purely concentrated on orders being shipped. It's been an emotional time and we're still not functioning efficiently, so today when I opened an email I was mortified that I'd not kept a better eye on things.
The email was from a Senior Search Consultant and said:
"I took the liberty to do some research on your website, and uncovered some interesting points. This may interest you, since it appears that you are trying to gain new business through your website.

From my initial observations, your site is probably underperforming in the major search engines - Google, Yahoo, and MSN LiveSearch. When searching on a topic, most people don’t look past the first page of search results. I struggled to find you in the first couple of pages, meaning that you could be losing a significant amount of business."

Blimey! I've worked incredibly hard in the past optimising my website myself, using keywords, forging links and had got to page 1 of Google, and here I was taking my eye off the ball and losing my place - bugger!

Senior Search Consultant continued:
"...backlinks are low, Google Page rank..blah, blah.. right now your site has a Google Pagerank score of 2/10, which is probably one of the main reasons why your site isn’t showing up in the first page of the search results."

OHMYGOD!!

Senior Search Consultant continued:
"The final aspect I noticed about your site was page indexing. The more pages your site has indexed with unique keywords, the higher you will rank. Right now, your site has only 140 pages indexed by Google, which is quite low.
So to recap...blah, blah....."

and then he said:

"I’m going somewhere with all this... I wanted to do my homework and research your website because it’s my business. We are in the business of doing three things for your website:

1) Fixing all issues with your website

2) Ranking your site to the top of the search results, and

2) Blowing your online revenue off the charts.

What we do is simple: we correct every single issue with your website that effects how the search engines perceive you, then put you on the first page of search results in all the major search engines by working on your site month on month. It’s a no-nonsense approach that cuts through marketing fluff to the core of what gets a site to the top. We know what that is. We know how to do it. "

Well, I checked it out on Google, I know what that is, I know how to do it.
The I sent an email in reply, one that I think cut through the fluff and got to the core of the subject:

"Dear Senior Search Consultant,
Having just Googled:
Luxury Party Bags
Luxury Pre filled party bags
Cotton Party Bags
filled party bags,

I find I am still on page 1 of Google.
Kind regards
Frog.

I did get a read receipt but no congratulatory reply, ho hum!