"We're all going on a Summer Holiday"

Well, tomorrow we're off to the Red Sea.
I intend to spend the daylight hours face down in the water, snorkeling and admiring the sea-life. It will also help drown out my mothers' boyfriend.
His constant East End 'whatcha!'s' will have me plunging my face in water whether I have a snorkel on or not.
My sister is a travel agent and so I have paid no attention whatsoever to the arrangements. My mother, on the other hand has phoned my sister, almost daily with bits of advice and tips she might like to know, like the currency we need, and, it will be hot, also, we must get to the airport in plenty of time because there is heightened security.....my sister is a travel agent for God's sake, I think she knows these things?
Of course because we are going away, this week has turned into the worst possible time to go. My oldest Tenant moved out of my house and posted me the keys without any notice whatsoever. I went to view the house and realised he had never actually hoovered behind his TV, or indeed in his bathroom. There was an odour about the house that indicated lack of venting and lots of smoking, thereby dictating we rip out all the carpets (sob!) So, I sit here exhausted having played the part of labourer to my nephew. So much plaster to be hacked off and so little time. I've broken nails, and have cuts and bruises, not to mention a lighter shade of magnolia in my hair. I kept expecting Sarah Beeny to walk through the door, the scene was certainly reminiscent of the house gutting footage seen on her programmes. What was I thinking?
Dai the spark came to see me this morning to discuss alterations to the wiring, and Paul the Plaster is phoning later. Nigel the Plumber (not a Welshman) managed to break the corner off my marble slab in front of the fireplace (howl!)and also lent on my freshly painted wall.
I've locked the door and walked away, it will look better when I get back...the Elves will have been in and tidied up....don't exist you say? ....aaagh!
Maybe I'll advertise for a Tenant who's a DIY enthusiast.