Tuesday, 11 September 2007

Judgement Day

Sophie is 4 on Saturday.
She's having some tiddly peeps here for a tea party on Friday afternoon and I'm already getting worried. None of the Mum's have been here before and I'm going to be judged.
That bath panel that I threw out in disgust and refused to have installed is bothering me now because I have never got a substitute and the underside of the bath is displayed in all it's glory. These rash decisions seem great at the time.

Then there's the television, it's not a flat screen cinematic breakthrough in technology and although there is a DVD player in the house, it's hidden under the pile of videos, oh the shame! We are surely the last home in existence with a video player and even now, not one of us can programme the 'B' thing.

Oh dear, the landing had never been plastered, I don't notice any more. Will our guests think that because that hasn't been done, our beautiful stone walls are destined for the same thing and I'll get asked when we're plastering the sitting room and painting our beams black? A question my mothers' boyfriend used to ask frequently. He now just looks around tutting and with pity in his eyes, wondering if we'll ever be able to afford carpets instead of having to suffer bare floorboards (beautifully oiled in our eyes). Of course to him, unless your skirting board is glossed white and there's not wall to wall fitted patterned carpet covering your entire house, then he is going to feel sorry for you.

But Friday looms ever closer, what am I going to do with the piles of paper that seem to build up, I can't seem to find the right place to file them and so they just hang around, waiting to be shredded, so they can sit in the bottom of the shredder and hear me say, oh my God, I've shredded the wrong pile!

And the garden, so full of weeds, loads of bright coloured flowers and gorgeous roses, but even my Mayor of Castorbridge roses can't disguise the whiff of my pet pigs the other side of the hedge.

How can I hide the fact we have a room full of wellies and waterproof clothes (sheep smelling ones in my husbands' case), dog biscuits by the bucket full and huge sacks of pig food, chain saws and filing cabinets (oh the bliss of being married to a farmer)!

I'm thinking the best option is make a very large jug of Pimms, if they care about it all, at least I won't!


Potty Mummy said...

Having just had Boy #1's 4th party yesterday I suggest smartie-covered chocolate cake and plenty of party games; the adults will be so busy being impressed at your retro, non-entertainer led party that they won't have time to notice the whistles and bells (and frankly, do you even care if they do?). Good luck with it!

Iota said...

Well, you could have invited me, and I wouldn't notice. Even if I did, it would just make me feel better about my own chaotic home, and I would rejoice that not everyone thinks that tidiness and organisation is the secret to happiness. And I love Pimms.

Frog in the Field said...

Thanks Potty Mummy, but, serious chocolate allergies, poor thing, can you imagine?

Ah, Iota, please feel free to join us, I'm fully expecting the tiny ones to have gone by 3.30pm, then the older children will appear, then the adults and wine will arrive. It's going to be a very, very long day.

Potty Mummy said...

Dear Frog, sorry for rubbing salt in the wound, I didn't realise. No chocolate, huh? And I thought nut allergies were inconvenient... (After we found out about Boy #1's allergies we decided to ban the offending items from the house - so consequently whenever we go out and there are nuts on offer I gorge myself. Not a good look).

Suffolkmum said...

Oh, I know those feelings. My heart plummets when I look round my semi-renovated cottage, cobwebs everywhere and grubby skirting boards (not for a moment suggesting your house is grubby like mine, just that mine is!!) I wouldn't notice, I'd just be relieved that the kids were occupied! I hate show homes where you don't feel at home, anyway. Hope all goes well.

Frog in the Field said...

Don't worry potty Mummy, we are all used to the chocolate thing now, the whole family is on alert at feeding frenzies!

Suffolk Mum, you're very posh indeed, skirting board? You'll be telling me you have bedroom doors next!