Note to Self

When old, remember the following:

It's really irritating not to wear your hearing aid, so wear it, and switch it on.
Taking it out of your handbag, explaining how it works and then putting it back into the bag and shoving under the table, really doesn't endear you to anyone, especially as you say "What?" all the time or join in the conversation with a completely different one...(I could go on, but you probably aren't listening)

Don't stand around making pointless polite conversation while loudly breaking wind. True, everyone does pretend your not doing it, but believe me, it's not lady like or pleasant, and not a very good example to the children. Also, don't walk into your daughter-in-laws' house, break wind for a few minutes and then leave. Just stay outside.

Try not to spoil the Christmas Games by giving away the answers all the time. If the children struggle a bit reading the cards, well they'll get there....believe me now, it's a lot less painful letting them work it out than you insisting on helping, getting up to find your glasses, knocking things over and then giving out the answer instead of the clue because you're deaf and didn't hear a little girl giving you very polite clear instructions, because you haven't got your HEARING AID ON!!!

Don't stand in the way the whole time someone is trying to put a meal out for 20 people. Saying politely, "I always stand in your way", and smiling sweetly doesn't help one bit. On arrival, go into any room other than the kitchen and stay there until tucker time.

Oh, and please, never, ever finish off every bodies sentences. It does have the tendency to infuriate and does indeed deserve a slap. You will also never say what the other person intended.

With this in mind, old age should be fairly trouble free for you now.