True Stories...and there's more to come!

I had a night out with some friends.
We went to a super fab gastro-pub which is THE place to go at present. I was salivating at the thought of it. I was driving, so declared myself out of the wine affair for the evening.
Wine was chosen.
Wine was brought.
Wine was hated and sent back, with a toss of the head and flick of the hand.
Wine was brought back (with impeccable manners and perfect service) and it was gently explained to my co-diners that madam is mistaken, the wine is not corked.
We ate dinner and they begrudgingly sipped the vino.
The waiter returned...I felt like a pelican (I had a huge bill in front of me).
Me: "Did you know how much that wine was when you ordered it?
Diner 1.."yes, well I was struggling to find anything decent"
Me: "Yes, but" I was spluttering now with shock "did you know how much it was?"
Diner 2 "Let me see the bill...hmm, yes I'm not surprised"
The waiter arrived to take our money and said he hoped we had enjoyed our dinner.
Me "Lovely, Thank you"
Diner 1 : "Fine Thank you"
Diner 2 looked straight into his eyes and said : "The food was lovely, but your wine is s**t"
OHMYGOD!!!!

How much was the wine you ask?
£38.00
We dropped off Diner 1 and I asked Diner 2 again.."did you really know how much that wine was when it was ordered?"
Diner 2 "I didn't have a clue!"
OHMYGOD!! snigger!
Darling Husband: "How was your night out?"
I told him.
Darling Husband "OHMYGOD!!"

My sister called by to shower the girls with gifts from the Maldives (humph!) and announced she was taking a keep fit lesson this week.
When she said taking, she meant she's the head honcho, in command, top dog!
Darling daughter number three was excited to tell how she has started ballet (me with a daughter going to ballet???).
Sister instantly sprang into pose wanting to show her ballet moves she uses for keep fit.
"Look, like this, hold your arms like...oh, I can't do it very well in my wellies.."
That's going to be a keep fit class worth going to, obviously.

Last Friday I bought a Chargrill Chicken sandwich from Greggs and then drove on to Bristol.
Halfway there, I went to take a bite and discovered no chicken in my chicken sandwich (well of course I pulled over, you really don't think I'd be eating whilst driving do you? I mean..that's illegal!).
So, I continued my journey and decided to return the said sandwich on my next visit into town for a refund.
I came home after the shops had shut, did the weekend things and then, on Monday returned to Greggs after picking up all the children from various educational facilities.

Me: "Hello, I bought this sandwich on Friday and thought I'd better keep it to show you...there's no chicken in it and there should have been. Could I have my money back please?"

Young male assistant "Oh, um, er, I'll, um just go and ask ...."

Female Bakery assistant of senior level (and boy, didn't SHE know it):
She didn't say anything for a moment.
She looked me up and down very slowly from my head to my feet and back again, with the contempt that only a senior level bakery counter assistant could muster.
Sneering slowly "You bought this on Friday..............and you've JUST noticed there's no chicken init?"

We laughed all the way home.

And people wonder why I don't like going to town?

New Term...when are the holidays?

And so here we are, just starting the second week of school.
Some things have changed in camp Frog, others things remain the same.
Daughter number three has started school, my (almost)14 years as full time Mum are over.

Daughter number two has a new teacher and is rather scared of her, so that means another year of amazing excuses to try and get out of it every day.

The Vampire loves school, ever the swot (don't know where on earth she gets it from) but has a new Head...she's missing the old one.
New term, new regime...healthier lunches. No school dinners where the smackeral of something lovely is the only thing eaten and one's children arrive home like savages in tempers.
Now all tempers are lovely and happy and I'm certain their food has something to do with it. So..
6am the vampire pokes at me until I get out of bed.
I get dressed (I think) and line up the sandwich boxes.
Empty the dishwasher.
Potatoes are peeled and cook while I get fresh salad stuff from the paddy field that was our cottage garden.
I wash and chop up fresh salad, prepare potato salad, slice cold (home-produced) pork and throw it all in the boxes.
Then I prepare the fresh fruit salad..ugh.
The mountain of peelings go into the pig food bowl (which is enormous).
Darling Husband then drives the vampire to school in his toolbox, I can't see it's a car any longer, it contains gateposts and John Deere filters and other odd bits and pieces.
The vampire strongly protests because there was a bottle of Bud broken by daughter number two in the 'car' and now she's concerned that she'll smell of beer in school.
Then I poke the other two girls until they get out of bed.
Answer the phone and listen to the vampire plead with me to drive her lunch into school...again!
I heat Baked beans for daughter number, she eats one spoon and says she doesn't like them.
Cheerios in a bowl..she eats one spoonful and says she doesn't like them.
Fresh pancakes? no
Rice Krispies? no
Argghhh!
Daughter number three, the new girl gets up, puts her uniform on, brushes her own hair (gasp!), puts shoes on the right feet and gets her book bag ready...perfect!
Darling husband arrives home in time to take the other two to the school bus and strap them in.
I feed the piggies
Empty the washing machine
Load the washing machine
Load the dishwasher
9am....
I'm shattered.

Our lady that does (otherwise known as the household cavalry, it's usually a fight just to get from one side of the kitchen to another) arrived and was delighted to be told Darling Husband had purchased a new vacuum. She hated the old one and was so happy when it finally fell to pieces.
The milkman arrived.
I stayed outside chatting to him while Darling Husband bravely brought our lovely lady that does, inside and broke the news that yes, he had indeed, against all her pleading, purchased another Dyson.
The milkman left.
I entered the kitchen and noticed Darling Husband was still able to walk and was surprised by an apology from our lady.
"Why are you apologising?" I enquired.
"I swore in front of your child, I'm sorry, it's just that hoover..."she pointed at it with an accusatory finger and then muttered "it won't be long before the dog eats it, anyway"
Later they were sat having coffee reading the Hereford Times and discussing the proposed changes to the city centre.

Darling Husband " I don't know why they can't just put it all back to a nice old city instead of trying to make it look like every other place"

our Lady "Yeah,....I hate change"

Darling Husband " I know, that's why I bought a Dyson.."
Silence.

Another True Story

There's trouble at camp Frog today.
Our daughter dissolved into floods of tears over her free range rare breed sausages.
"What's the matter darling?"
"Yesterday when Bea asked you if it was true that (sniff), that if you got a bat stuck in your hair, you'd have to have all your hair cut off, you said, no, you'd have to have your head cut off...sob!"
Darling Husband left the room and was heard to be stiffling strange noises as he went outside.
"But darling, surely you know Mummy was just teasing precious Max?"

Darling Husband returned to his breakfast, wiping tears from his eyes, a forced frown on his handsome face.
Darling Husband: "Now you know Mummy talks complete nonsense most of the time, why on earth are you taking her seriously all of a sudden?"

"But you always tell us that you will never tell us lies and we can always trust what you say"

This is all your fault Dulwich Mum....

Tag

Thank you Mean Moody Middleaged Mom, Confused Take That Fan, Not enough Mud and Berthddu Suit for awards, I get all emotional to think someone out there loves this little frog (sniff).
I've also been tagged by said Welsh Blogger to do the following:
supply six random snippets of information about myself.
Tag Rules:
Link to the person who tagged you. Post the rules on the blog. Write six random things about yourself. Tag six people at the end of your post. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

only six? erm, where to start.

1. I once went to an Agricultural Show with Buster Blood Vessel of Bad Manners.

2. I'm married to a beef farmer and my initials are now CJD.

3. I have a tendency to give my pets ridiculous names:
Elvis
Custard
Spot (no spots at all)
Fruitcake
Sprocket
Truffles (Mother in Law thought I said Shovel)

4. Though loyal and generous to my fab chum friends, I never forgive and forget.

5. I have the ability to create the most amazingly awful Trifle ever.

6. I had Blue Hair and looked like something out of Fraggle Rock when at Art College.

I don't know who to tag, so I'll think on it....

A Grand Time Out

Ooh, I've been receiving awards and tagged, so exciting!!
Thanks very much to Berthddu Suit and Confused Take That Fan.


I will endeavour to 'do' the tag too...but not today, and bear with me, this is a long one, but the punch line isn't half bad.

We've been camping in Cardiganshire with friends. It was a fantastic break.
Our friends nagged us for most of the week before, phoning at all sorts of times of day and night, dropping 'are we going camping?' into the conversation until we gave in.

The plan was to leave at around 5pm.
Our friends rang to say they were ready...darling husband was farming, so they left and we would follow.
I had:
booked the campsite
washed the children
Made fresh bread
cooked a joint of gammon
had a blowout on the car with 200kilos of pig food on board
had a new tyre fitted
cleaned the kitchen
cleared the fridge
tidied the living room
washed and dried clothes
finished an enormous quote (yeehahaha!!!)
put the pod on the car
packed clothes, towels, knives forks and storm kettle
rediscovered all items for camping and using tesselation skills packed the car to perfection

Darling husband came home, washed and changed and drove us to West Wales.

My friend and I had sat at my computer to find the site they had stayed at before, she knew where she was going and when we got near the coast we met up with her and followed her onto the site, in the dark...we were very glad not to have to try and find it on our own.

We arrived very tired, delighted to be handed a large glass of port and invited to sleep in their tent for the night instead of putting ours up in the dark and the coastal winds.

The morning was beautiful, fresh and sunny and the campsite looked straight over the sea. It was fantastic.
We put our tent up next to our friends.
The farmer arrived.
We had to move our tent.

We went to the beach, us our friends and our five children.

Daughter number three spent the day filling her pockets with sand and rocks, the older two children built a dam and the oldest two children went fishing with a dad. Vampires it seems are a little duff at fishing.

I spent the day perfecting my sunburnt extremities and reading the Saturday Telegraph (what a fab publication it is).

Darling Husband slept on the beach, my friend read the Daily Mail, we were all very happy.

And our time continued in this relaxed manner.
We ate a leisurely brunch on the last morning.
I:
packed the contents of the tent away
Folded all clothes
Flattened airbeds
aired sleeping bags
stuffed sleeping bags in their bags
resorted possessions into theirs and ours
packed the pod with bedding
swept the tent out
took out all the tent pegs
tied up all the strings
took out all the tent poles
folded the tent
packed the tent away
packed the car

Darling Husband poked the fire, then went to settle up with the farmer, along with my friend.

He and my friend returned, a little disgruntled.
"How much did they say it would be on the phone when you booked?" asked my friend
"£15 per tent per night"
"Well they charged us £20 a night!"
I decided to go and see the farmer and his wife, I made the booking, I'd sort it out.

I knocked the door, a female human rabid pitbull chewing a wasp answered the door, and she wasn't terribly friendly and had a slightly very aggressive manner.

"Mrs Davies?" I asked politely.

Pitbull "NO! Where are you from?"

Me "Erm, sorry to bother you, we're camping in that field there, I seem to have made a mistake, I do apologise"

Pitbull "You're with us then!"

Me "Oh, um, well, I'm terribly sorry, I think there's been a misunderstanding somewhere. When I spoke to you on the phone to book with you.."

Pitbull (now getting nasty) "I've never spoken to you on the phone, who are you?"

Me "I'm Mrs Frog, my erm husband was talking to you this morning...um, when I telephoned you said the fee was £15 a night per tent.."

The pitbull stormed into other room shouting "this woman is complaining about our prices!!

The farmer slammed his knife and fork down and marched to the door.
I explained again about the price on the phone and the price we'd just been charged, his wife ranted and raved behind him (I wished he would chain her up).
He said that their prices were clear and justified and in fact should be £23 a night.
Pitbull "I definitely didn't speak to you"

I suddenly had a thought, it all didn't seem right.
Me "What's the name of this farm? I asked.
Farmer answered "Nant-y-Croi"
Me " Oh dear, I'm so, so sorry. I have obviously booked one campsite and come to another, I'm so sorry, there's no problem at all, I'm obviously in the wrong place"

Pitbull and farmer racked up the strop even more, justifying their prices and insisting I hadn't spoken to them.

Me "I think you've completely misunderstood me, I'm apologising for bothering you, obviously I am not in the place I booked us in to, there's no problem at all"

Pitbull stormed off, the farmer said not to worry it happens all the time.

So, it seems we followed our friends into the wrong site and not one of us noticed the huge sign at the gate with the wrong farm name on it.

I just need to call the other site now and apologise for not turning up, they sounded so friendly and nice too....

We saw it on the way home, it looked great..next time.

I've had a few surprises this week or so.
Firstly I never realised what a tight grip over merchandise Disney has, I buy in huge quantities, usually from importers but I've struggled this time, failed in fact.

I found a kitten hiding from daughter no.3 in a mixing bowl in the cupboard (sigh!).
So it was Spring Clean time and more stuff in the dishwasher (I'm sure it's going to go on strike soon). I'm seriously thinking of writing to Norris McWhirter to see if I hold the record for most uses of single dishwasher in one day (full loads every time).

I discovered Darling Husband is capable of booking tables in restaurants. Our wedding anniversary was looking grim when I called my Scottish friend to enquire where we were going and what I should wear.
I was told we were off to the Indian in Abergavenny....I was gutted. Don't get me wrong, I love Indian food, but it was our anniversary and I want to be indulged!!

On the way, Darling Husband suggested we stop for a drink in the Walnut Tree.
I got really excited, way hey! I thought, he's going to surprise me....then I remembered he doesn't do that sort of thing and that I really would be having a curry and should just calm down a bit.
We left our friends fighting over the position of the car in relation to a. the road, b. the other vehicles c. the rain!! and wandered in. Darling Husband announced to the waitress he'd booked a table and I squeaked irritatingly with excitement,it was a lovely!
We had a great evening, but again a surprise, it wasn't as good as our favourite place in Herefordshire. Hmm.
Darling Husband wasn't impressed with a thin steak (never give a beef farmer thin steak) and our friends thought it was pretty average.
I loved the whole night, fab!! Ahh, he can be romantic sometimes....

The Vampire has gone to Greece with the school. She has sent a few messages home moaning about the heat but we did warn her that vampires and sunshine didn't mix. I also suspect that the white clothes I bought her are making her feel vulnerable instead of the black, khohl-eyed Emo that she is inside.
Biggest surprise there, she rang me and said she missed me and her voice wobbled....oh! I admit it gave me a lump in my throat and I wanted to go and get her home again. She's also just emailed to say she misses me loads and loads and that her toy bunny is ok. Bless! See vile teenagers can love their mothers sometimes.

The other two are sleeping in their sisters' bed together, sharing her skull blanket and squabbling because one has long feet!

So apart from a lack of loud music and stamping, it's still pretty wild and wacky here.
The wine rack is looking a bit sad but I'll just rummage in the fridge, ah, anyone fancy a nip of Blue Tongue vaccine?

HELPPP!!!!!

I have a serious problem and I've spent hours and hours running into days searching without any success. The Vampire has been no help whatsoever ("Mum, that's just so not Emo!"), and the other two have never heard of it. Darling Husband has absolutely no interest, "What no John Deeres...at all? What's the point in that?"

So I'm begging does any one of you, look we'll keep it secret, it'll just be between us, do any of you know anything about High School Musical?

I need to put together some High School Musical Party Bags and I just can't get to grips with it.
I really need an importer or volume supplier who can supply me with cases of merchandise, but none of the ones I use are licensed ones..can anyone at least tell me what's out there?
What should go in a bag ?
Please...I'm desperate.
Help me OB1 kinobe, you're my only hope....