When old, remember the following:
It's really irritating not to wear your hearing aid, so wear it, and switch it on.
Taking it out of your handbag, explaining how it works and then putting it back into the bag and shoving under the table, really doesn't endear you to anyone, especially as you say "What?" all the time or join in the conversation with a completely different one...(I could go on, but you probably aren't listening)
Don't stand around making pointless polite conversation while loudly breaking wind. True, everyone does pretend your not doing it, but believe me, it's not lady like or pleasant, and not a very good example to the children. Also, don't walk into your daughter-in-laws' house, break wind for a few minutes and then leave. Just stay outside.
Try not to spoil the Christmas Games by giving away the answers all the time. If the children struggle a bit reading the cards, well they'll get there....believe me now, it's a lot less painful letting them work it out than you insisting on helping, getting up to find your glasses, knocking things over and then giving out the answer instead of the clue because you're deaf and didn't hear a little girl giving you very polite clear instructions, because you haven't got your HEARING AID ON!!!
Don't stand in the way the whole time someone is trying to put a meal out for 20 people. Saying politely, "I always stand in your way", and smiling sweetly doesn't help one bit. On arrival, go into any room other than the kitchen and stay there until tucker time.
Oh, and please, never, ever finish off every bodies sentences. It does have the tendency to infuriate and does indeed deserve a slap. You will also never say what the other person intended.
With this in mind, old age should be fairly trouble free for you now.
Thursday, 3 January 2008
Thursday, 20 December 2007
Feeling Festive - another true stroy
It's a fabulous crisp and sunny morning here in Monmouthshire.
The robin has been flying around my utility room and Radio 2 has sounded very festive. I've packed my last Christmas order.
I'm happy but exhausted, and feeling more in the Christmas spirit, even though I've forgotten to send Christmas Cards to my lovely relatives and friends in exotic places.
That means no invites to the sun next year - bugger!
In my state of exhaustion, I'm a bit more dippy than usual. The Milkman drove down the lane as I was walking daughter no2 up to meet the school bus. "Are you going to be long?" he said as he drove past.
"No, put the kettle on"
On walking back into my kitchen, Darling Husband and the Milkman were chatting.
Me: "I bet you didn't recognise me with my clothes on this morning?"
Milkman: lots of spluttering
Darling Husband: huge laughter
I realised immediately, as of course even the most stupid person would (which I suppose I am this morning), what I had said and how it sounded.
I must explain, on Tuesday morning I got up early, it was still dark, and I decided to go outside and bring some logs in for the fire and then go and feed my gorgeous pregnant pigs (only two weeks until piglets!!). I didn't want to disturb anyone in the house by putting lights on to find clothes, so in the bathroom, I found Darling husbands jeans and thick jumpers. I pulled those on and went outside. The milkman arrived early. He stopped and said loudly "what the hell do you look like?".
So that's why I asked if he recognised me in my clothes...whew! Thank goodness my mother-in-law wasn't in the house.
And one more true story, if I've already told it, then, I guess I'm repeating myself!
We really felt the Christmas spirit last year, after all, isn't that really what it's all about? We saw a neighbour, wandering around in the Supermarket on Christmas Eve, with a box of cereals in a basket and looking pale and terrified. He was late picking up the turkey they had pre-ordered and the shop had sold it. He was concerned for Christmas Day, his three young children, his marriage and life as he knew it if he went home without something for their Christmas lunch. The shops were closing in 10 minutes. We told him to go to our house and get our turkey from the fridge, and we ate with my Mother-in-Law instead. We felt like Heroes, it was a nice feeling.
And with that I'm retiring for the Christmas holiday. Hoping to consume smooth red wine, lots of fizz and relax.
Merry Christmas, enjoy your few days without getting too stressed.
Frog in the frozen fields!
x
The robin has been flying around my utility room and Radio 2 has sounded very festive. I've packed my last Christmas order.
I'm happy but exhausted, and feeling more in the Christmas spirit, even though I've forgotten to send Christmas Cards to my lovely relatives and friends in exotic places.
That means no invites to the sun next year - bugger!
In my state of exhaustion, I'm a bit more dippy than usual. The Milkman drove down the lane as I was walking daughter no2 up to meet the school bus. "Are you going to be long?" he said as he drove past.
"No, put the kettle on"
On walking back into my kitchen, Darling Husband and the Milkman were chatting.
Me: "I bet you didn't recognise me with my clothes on this morning?"
Milkman: lots of spluttering
Darling Husband: huge laughter
I realised immediately, as of course even the most stupid person would (which I suppose I am this morning), what I had said and how it sounded.
I must explain, on Tuesday morning I got up early, it was still dark, and I decided to go outside and bring some logs in for the fire and then go and feed my gorgeous pregnant pigs (only two weeks until piglets!!). I didn't want to disturb anyone in the house by putting lights on to find clothes, so in the bathroom, I found Darling husbands jeans and thick jumpers. I pulled those on and went outside. The milkman arrived early. He stopped and said loudly "what the hell do you look like?".
So that's why I asked if he recognised me in my clothes...whew! Thank goodness my mother-in-law wasn't in the house.
And one more true story, if I've already told it, then, I guess I'm repeating myself!
We really felt the Christmas spirit last year, after all, isn't that really what it's all about? We saw a neighbour, wandering around in the Supermarket on Christmas Eve, with a box of cereals in a basket and looking pale and terrified. He was late picking up the turkey they had pre-ordered and the shop had sold it. He was concerned for Christmas Day, his three young children, his marriage and life as he knew it if he went home without something for their Christmas lunch. The shops were closing in 10 minutes. We told him to go to our house and get our turkey from the fridge, and we ate with my Mother-in-Law instead. We felt like Heroes, it was a nice feeling.
And with that I'm retiring for the Christmas holiday. Hoping to consume smooth red wine, lots of fizz and relax.
Merry Christmas, enjoy your few days without getting too stressed.
Frog in the frozen fields!
x
Tuesday, 18 December 2007
Festive Hamster
The first realisation that Christmas was just around the corner was the arrival of the school hamster. "Piper" is staying with us for the holidays. This didn't bother the goldfish at all and I don't think the piglets noticed his arrival, but the cats certainly got excited about it.....especially when he escaped from the plastic ball that he likes to roll around the kitchen floor in. Well, I'm all smartly dressed and ready to go to my daughters' school play when the plastic ball came open. I watched with horror, as 'Piper' headed towards the gap under the door into the utility room. As his head reached the door, a black paw stretched out and scooped him up...agh!! 'She'll never be head girl now!' ran through my mind as I threw the door open and chased the cat. The cat was hiding under a cupboard and I threw myself on the floor to grab it. Once I managed to get hold of the furious feline, I had to hold her between my knees so I could use both hands to prise open her jaws. After much growling and gnashing of teeth (on both our parts), I rescued the hamster...he's perfectly fine now, though we were both quite shaky at the time. Once I had put him safely back in his cage I looked down at my clothes with further horror...the utility room was being re plastered and I had just led on the floor in all the dust and mess...... I did get to the school play just in time and in clean clothes, but only just. Next year the hamster is going somewhere else for Christmas, he'd only been here 23 hours when he escaped…
Sunday, 9 December 2007
The final curtain
I've 'done' my last Christmas Fair, I'm shattered.
All that brushing my hair (well, actually I don't have to do that anymore, a quick blow-dry and it's perfection!) ironing clothes, wearing matching socks and smiling at people! Working from home is so much easier, I don't have to be anyone, it's my service and product that's important.
But, at a Christmas Fair, you have to don the smile, not swear at children who break things, and horror of horrors....I'm expected to eat all those bloody awful Mince Pies from Tesco and sip glasses of the most disgusting cheap red wine, thinly disguised as 'Mulled wine' and appear awfully grateful for such top tucker! What is it with these people? They obviously know nothing about wine, why would you want to spoil a perfectly good one with spices and heat it up? I don't get it at all. I met a teacher on maternity leave who makes beautiful handmade Christmas Cards. She teaches at the local Haberdashers Pre-Prep. Poor thing, she nearly died of shock when she saw another Primary school and the type or parents walking through those doors! I thought it would be nice, there's a lot of nice new housing in the area and the school is brand new and beautiful, but..Phew!...it was scary. The three quarter length 'jogging' (by the average size I would say this is the term for the style and not purpose) trouser and trainer ensemble was very prevalent, put that together with the slicked back hair style and overly aggressive expression and you'll get a pretty good picture of what it was like.
The gentleman making the tea wore a black vest with gaudy rolled gold chain and had a number of overly decorative tattoos all over his arms and uncovered shoulders. His hair was nicely arranged in a ponytail and he was slightly overweight and ill-washed looking. I was too scared to ask for a cup of tea.
But I have to say everyone was quite polite, oh, apart from the boy who came over, mouth crammed with a lollipop..he slurped the confectionery from his chops and declared he'd just been sick..... I grabbed my things and left.
It's back to the anonymity of my keyboard and telephone, where I can smirk at customers with strange names and not worry that I'll get caught!
All that brushing my hair (well, actually I don't have to do that anymore, a quick blow-dry and it's perfection!) ironing clothes, wearing matching socks and smiling at people! Working from home is so much easier, I don't have to be anyone, it's my service and product that's important.
But, at a Christmas Fair, you have to don the smile, not swear at children who break things, and horror of horrors....I'm expected to eat all those bloody awful Mince Pies from Tesco and sip glasses of the most disgusting cheap red wine, thinly disguised as 'Mulled wine' and appear awfully grateful for such top tucker! What is it with these people? They obviously know nothing about wine, why would you want to spoil a perfectly good one with spices and heat it up? I don't get it at all. I met a teacher on maternity leave who makes beautiful handmade Christmas Cards. She teaches at the local Haberdashers Pre-Prep. Poor thing, she nearly died of shock when she saw another Primary school and the type or parents walking through those doors! I thought it would be nice, there's a lot of nice new housing in the area and the school is brand new and beautiful, but..Phew!...it was scary. The three quarter length 'jogging' (by the average size I would say this is the term for the style and not purpose) trouser and trainer ensemble was very prevalent, put that together with the slicked back hair style and overly aggressive expression and you'll get a pretty good picture of what it was like.
The gentleman making the tea wore a black vest with gaudy rolled gold chain and had a number of overly decorative tattoos all over his arms and uncovered shoulders. His hair was nicely arranged in a ponytail and he was slightly overweight and ill-washed looking. I was too scared to ask for a cup of tea.
But I have to say everyone was quite polite, oh, apart from the boy who came over, mouth crammed with a lollipop..he slurped the confectionery from his chops and declared he'd just been sick..... I grabbed my things and left.
It's back to the anonymity of my keyboard and telephone, where I can smirk at customers with strange names and not worry that I'll get caught!
Tuesday, 4 December 2007
Catching Up
I've been very busy with everything, Thanks for the nudge Elsie Button, it's nice to be missed!
What's been going on over there I hear you ask, well, it has nothing to do with the milkman for a start. He's not fresh, but he's just kind of decided we're ok and that he'll have coffee with us every other morning. 'Adam' is in his late 20's and a gadget man. I think we're great entertainment value, and we've become firm friends.
I have visited my lovely grandmother, try to do this every Monday but often fail. She is brilliant, not deaf, no failing eyesight, a great sense of humour, but a little wobbly and so she's confined to the downstairs of her home. This grandmother is not one of any wealth at all, in fact she's the complete opposite to my Paternal Grandmother. She lives in a small Council House, I love going to see her. Often one of my aunts or uncles will be there, I think there are around 15 of us with a doorkey! Last week my Uncle Tony told me a very funny story about his friend, apparently it's absolutely true.
His friend has a very large dog, and sleeps in a nightgown (the man, not the dog). His wife woke him up and said she could hear someone outside trying to get in.
He crept downstairs in his nightshirt and tip toe'd up to to the glass front door.
He bent forwards to listen intently for a burglar...
The dog rushed up behind him and stuck his cold wet nose right up his night shirt (and into crevices hithertoe unexplored by a canine) making my Uncle's friend jump through the glass door in shock. He had lots of stitches and the dog is recovering well.
I've been to 10 School Christmas Fairs in the last three weeks.
I haven't been lying on the sofa watching ER re-runs, but standing there watching lots of children rummaging my products round and round the table, while their parents say, "Oh, isn't that sweet? Algernon of course knows that Father Christmas doesn't exist, here Algy, have another £20 to just keep quiet, and don't worry if you knock anything at all on the floor!" Algy is, of course a possessed child that wants to hope there's no hell either. He talks in a moronic monotone voice using only the most minimal amount of words possible...'want that..MUM!!'
Most of the children have been absolutely delightful, beautifully mannered and condifent, confident even.
Business has been brisk, thanks to Amazon requiring my presence on their site. I have been very diligent and careful with all the orders and have achieved 100% customer satisfaction rate, with comments like : The image of product was accurate, was of good quality and it arrived really quickly. Would definately use frog in the Field again....until yesterday..ugh!
Someone complained, the postage costs were too high for the product...duh! don't they read these charges before they order? And, is £1.50 really a rip off?
Someone else complained, the car are too small for their price (10cm length at£1.00 each!!).
It makes me so mad, but how does one respond to these comments? I can't really, and I'll just have to re-read the fab comments.
I hope to chat again soon, sorry I haven't visited anyone, I'm thinking of you all and looking forward to hearing from you.
Frog
x
What's been going on over there I hear you ask, well, it has nothing to do with the milkman for a start. He's not fresh, but he's just kind of decided we're ok and that he'll have coffee with us every other morning. 'Adam' is in his late 20's and a gadget man. I think we're great entertainment value, and we've become firm friends.
I have visited my lovely grandmother, try to do this every Monday but often fail. She is brilliant, not deaf, no failing eyesight, a great sense of humour, but a little wobbly and so she's confined to the downstairs of her home. This grandmother is not one of any wealth at all, in fact she's the complete opposite to my Paternal Grandmother. She lives in a small Council House, I love going to see her. Often one of my aunts or uncles will be there, I think there are around 15 of us with a doorkey! Last week my Uncle Tony told me a very funny story about his friend, apparently it's absolutely true.
His friend has a very large dog, and sleeps in a nightgown (the man, not the dog). His wife woke him up and said she could hear someone outside trying to get in.
He crept downstairs in his nightshirt and tip toe'd up to to the glass front door.
He bent forwards to listen intently for a burglar...
The dog rushed up behind him and stuck his cold wet nose right up his night shirt (and into crevices hithertoe unexplored by a canine) making my Uncle's friend jump through the glass door in shock. He had lots of stitches and the dog is recovering well.
I've been to 10 School Christmas Fairs in the last three weeks.
I haven't been lying on the sofa watching ER re-runs, but standing there watching lots of children rummaging my products round and round the table, while their parents say, "Oh, isn't that sweet? Algernon of course knows that Father Christmas doesn't exist, here Algy, have another £20 to just keep quiet, and don't worry if you knock anything at all on the floor!" Algy is, of course a possessed child that wants to hope there's no hell either. He talks in a moronic monotone voice using only the most minimal amount of words possible...'want that..MUM!!'
Most of the children have been absolutely delightful, beautifully mannered and condifent, confident even.
Business has been brisk, thanks to Amazon requiring my presence on their site. I have been very diligent and careful with all the orders and have achieved 100% customer satisfaction rate, with comments like : The image of product was accurate, was of good quality and it arrived really quickly. Would definately use frog in the Field again....until yesterday..ugh!
Someone complained, the postage costs were too high for the product...duh! don't they read these charges before they order? And, is £1.50 really a rip off?
Someone else complained, the car are too small for their price (10cm length at£1.00 each!!).
It makes me so mad, but how does one respond to these comments? I can't really, and I'll just have to re-read the fab comments.
I hope to chat again soon, sorry I haven't visited anyone, I'm thinking of you all and looking forward to hearing from you.
Frog
x
Tuesday, 20 November 2007
Taking Stock
I don't quite know what's going on this morning.
Fruitcake (the dog) is having an identity crisis, leaping on to the bonnet of the Volvo (great!) and sitting like a cat. Never has she done this before, but I suspect it will be the norm from now on through the winter, it probably is a nice warm place to sit after the school runs are over.
I have been very busy with orders this week and have taken to leaving the warehouse door open. Fruitcake (said dog) seem to have decided it's time she gave me a paw and brought a few of my most expensive plush toys out for me. Very sweet of her, but now they are covered in mug and dog paw prints. Darling husband brought it to my attention asking "is the dog meant to be packing an order for you?".
Adam, the milkman arrived. He tends to yell hello!, march in and put the kettle on.
Sometimes muttering " nearly out of coffee, I see" , often he comments on the mess in my kitchen. This morning he sat down for a few minutes to give us the benefit of his wisdom on life, the universe and the weather. I am fanatical about product testing and the milkman has been used to test animal radios for me, today he started inspecting my racing car kits. "ooh, can I have one of these? Ah, better not, I'll be in trouble with the wife,.... I'll build a little bit of it each time I come in, can I have my own area to build it?"
Why is it like this here? It's madness.
Fruitcake (the dog) is having an identity crisis, leaping on to the bonnet of the Volvo (great!) and sitting like a cat. Never has she done this before, but I suspect it will be the norm from now on through the winter, it probably is a nice warm place to sit after the school runs are over.
I have been very busy with orders this week and have taken to leaving the warehouse door open. Fruitcake (said dog) seem to have decided it's time she gave me a paw and brought a few of my most expensive plush toys out for me. Very sweet of her, but now they are covered in mug and dog paw prints. Darling husband brought it to my attention asking "is the dog meant to be packing an order for you?".
Adam, the milkman arrived. He tends to yell hello!, march in and put the kettle on.
Sometimes muttering " nearly out of coffee, I see" , often he comments on the mess in my kitchen. This morning he sat down for a few minutes to give us the benefit of his wisdom on life, the universe and the weather. I am fanatical about product testing and the milkman has been used to test animal radios for me, today he started inspecting my racing car kits. "ooh, can I have one of these? Ah, better not, I'll be in trouble with the wife,.... I'll build a little bit of it each time I come in, can I have my own area to build it?"
Why is it like this here? It's madness.
Monday, 12 November 2007
Haircut 100
I imagine I've had over a hundred haircuts by now, but like so many people, it's an emotional thing, I was only just peeking at Ingenious Rose and seeing how she felt about it all.
A week ago I flipped, I couldn't stand it anymore! Everytime I tried to do any work my hair flopped around my face and I hated it. Ponytails just irritated me in the car because I couldn't loll in the drivers seat and piggy tails get funny comments from the general public. So, I went to visit a very nice lady and asked her to chop the bloody lot off!
Julie was rather nervous and so was I, child No. 3 declared (as only a 4 year old can) that my haircut was stupid. Child No. 1 said I was to stay in the house for a long time for fear of spoiling her social life. Darling Husband likes it very much. And I love it, for the first time, I like my haircut, and no-one has called me Sir yet, even though it's quite short.
I think my fear of haircuts comes from my Mother, oh Shirl trained to be a hairdresser, oy yes, hmmm.
We would choose a nice photo in a magazine and she'd say, I'll do that for you, we don't want to waste money at the hairdressers do we? No Mum, we'd love you to do it, we'd say.....
It was a terrible time, a bowl on our heads to chop round would have looked nicer. Even when we went to the hairdressers, it was always the cheapest cut and I would come out crying because it was so awful.
But this time, Ha! I look very presentable, smart, no grey hairs and I look very, very different. Friends are shocked at how different I look...younger even!!
My Mother, 'Shirl' visited for half an hour last weekend (well it is a five hour drive each way, one mustn't expect too much), and guess what her reaction to my new look was? Not a comment, not a whisper, no mutterings about being a skinhead even from her (Whotcha!) boyfriend..they didn't even notice. Typical.
When she left, a very poignant comment was made.
My cousins' son said very loudly, "I know this may sound like a stupid question, but who were those people?" I sometimes wonder myself.
A week ago I flipped, I couldn't stand it anymore! Everytime I tried to do any work my hair flopped around my face and I hated it. Ponytails just irritated me in the car because I couldn't loll in the drivers seat and piggy tails get funny comments from the general public. So, I went to visit a very nice lady and asked her to chop the bloody lot off!
Julie was rather nervous and so was I, child No. 3 declared (as only a 4 year old can) that my haircut was stupid. Child No. 1 said I was to stay in the house for a long time for fear of spoiling her social life. Darling Husband likes it very much. And I love it, for the first time, I like my haircut, and no-one has called me Sir yet, even though it's quite short.
I think my fear of haircuts comes from my Mother, oh Shirl trained to be a hairdresser, oy yes, hmmm.
We would choose a nice photo in a magazine and she'd say, I'll do that for you, we don't want to waste money at the hairdressers do we? No Mum, we'd love you to do it, we'd say.....
It was a terrible time, a bowl on our heads to chop round would have looked nicer. Even when we went to the hairdressers, it was always the cheapest cut and I would come out crying because it was so awful.
But this time, Ha! I look very presentable, smart, no grey hairs and I look very, very different. Friends are shocked at how different I look...younger even!!
My Mother, 'Shirl' visited for half an hour last weekend (well it is a five hour drive each way, one mustn't expect too much), and guess what her reaction to my new look was? Not a comment, not a whisper, no mutterings about being a skinhead even from her (Whotcha!) boyfriend..they didn't even notice. Typical.
When she left, a very poignant comment was made.
My cousins' son said very loudly, "I know this may sound like a stupid question, but who were those people?" I sometimes wonder myself.
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