It's the last day of term at HMSG...Hurray!!
No more getting up at 6am, nagging for an hour about brushing hair and getting dressed (and that's just talking to myself) and then having to miraculously produce something very important for a particular lesson when we are a minute late already!
Fun Day has been and gone at the local Primary, I have successfully managed to throw out all the rubbish my children bought without them suspecting a thing (i.e nice ornaments glued back together for only 10p...lovely).
This morning daughter No. 1 did forget her teachers' presents (just nice coffee mugs £2 from Waitrose, none of this extravagant nonsense...we'd be bankrupt with three children) and so I had to journey into town and drop them off at Reception. I always feel terribly humbled driving up the drive to school, some parents have Bentleys, and because my Volvo is in the garage I was having to drive (oh, I'm so ashamed)a Ford Fiesta belonging to my Mother-in-Law.
The journey is really very beautiful, I have to drive past two castles,( one inhabited) over the river and through lush canopies of trees, quite wonderful.
And even though I was in the dodgem, the Reception Ladies were impeccibly polite, and I saw no other parents...whew!
Friday, 6 July 2007
Wednesday, 4 July 2007
92% of men
My niece has informed me that it is a fact (must be true, she is at University) that if left alone in a room with a tea-cosy. 92% of men will put it on their head.
It's a scary fact; of course my husband puts everything on his head, he was clearing out our utility room when he came across a hand-knitted pink striped hat that was given to our daughter by a kindly, elderly aunt. It had a very large, badly attached pom-pom on the top.
It was a hat with no aesthetic qualities.
Darling husband put it on.
The postman arrived.
I watched from the upstairs window as my absent minded husband greeted the postman, failing to register the look on horror on his face as an unspoken signal that screamed "Christ mate, what the hell have you got on your head?".
I knocked on the window and pointed at my head (I couldn't speak for laughing).
"What?" was the angry shout from Darling husband.
I did it again, and he put his hand up to his head, discovering the forgotten hat.
He swore loudly.......
It's a scary fact; of course my husband puts everything on his head, he was clearing out our utility room when he came across a hand-knitted pink striped hat that was given to our daughter by a kindly, elderly aunt. It had a very large, badly attached pom-pom on the top.
It was a hat with no aesthetic qualities.
Darling husband put it on.
The postman arrived.
I watched from the upstairs window as my absent minded husband greeted the postman, failing to register the look on horror on his face as an unspoken signal that screamed "Christ mate, what the hell have you got on your head?".
I knocked on the window and pointed at my head (I couldn't speak for laughing).
"What?" was the angry shout from Darling husband.
I did it again, and he put his hand up to his head, discovering the forgotten hat.
He swore loudly.......
Sunday, 1 July 2007
Christmas Dinner
We attended a Christmas celebration last night, it was great.
We had roast turkey and chestnut stuffing, Christmas Pudding and brandy sauce, we even sang a bit. It was a mainly family affair with a few extra friends and aquaintances, but as my husband is one of seven, you can imagine it was quite a crowd.
Illness prevented my sister-in-law from being home for our usual festivities. She's just recovered from near death and so we thought she deserved her missed Christmas dinner. It was also my nephew's 21st Birthday, it was brilliant.
The smallest cousins roared around constantly, they had a great time. We all wore Christmassy Clothes and accessories, there was even an attempt at a Christmas tree.
I'd already been swigging champagne in the afternoon with my sister to welcome her into her new home, so I decided to sit quietly and not drink in the evening.
I took my plate of dinner to the far end of the room to sit by a brother-in-law. He gave me his chair and got another one for himself. How polite...I sat on the chair and it feel to bits beneath me, lurching me sideways onto the floor! My mother-in-law frowned, family members gave me a standing ovation. My husband roared with laughter and the evening was full of over weight jibes in my direction. My Diet starts Monday.
We had roast turkey and chestnut stuffing, Christmas Pudding and brandy sauce, we even sang a bit. It was a mainly family affair with a few extra friends and aquaintances, but as my husband is one of seven, you can imagine it was quite a crowd.
Illness prevented my sister-in-law from being home for our usual festivities. She's just recovered from near death and so we thought she deserved her missed Christmas dinner. It was also my nephew's 21st Birthday, it was brilliant.
The smallest cousins roared around constantly, they had a great time. We all wore Christmassy Clothes and accessories, there was even an attempt at a Christmas tree.
I'd already been swigging champagne in the afternoon with my sister to welcome her into her new home, so I decided to sit quietly and not drink in the evening.
I took my plate of dinner to the far end of the room to sit by a brother-in-law. He gave me his chair and got another one for himself. How polite...I sat on the chair and it feel to bits beneath me, lurching me sideways onto the floor! My mother-in-law frowned, family members gave me a standing ovation. My husband roared with laughter and the evening was full of over weight jibes in my direction. My Diet starts Monday.
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
Hair
Second post today!
We have just come from a family trip to the doctors (we really know how to live).
There was a lady sat with her back to the childrens play area, where we are relegated to these days. She had really fantastic 80's/90's back-combed hair sticking out in huge spikes. I sat gazing at it thinking if it were only blue, she would look like I did in my Art College days. Sophie (3 years) pointed at the back of the spikey haired person and said very loudly
"why is that hair like that?"
I told her very quietly that it was very nice hair and people can have their hair however they want it.
"Well I don't like it", she said, again very loudly.
No 1 daughter burst into hysterics, my husband grinned in the opposite direction.
Sophie sat down with a book, pointed to a SeaHorse and said "look, a see-saw"....
We have just come from a family trip to the doctors (we really know how to live).
There was a lady sat with her back to the childrens play area, where we are relegated to these days. She had really fantastic 80's/90's back-combed hair sticking out in huge spikes. I sat gazing at it thinking if it were only blue, she would look like I did in my Art College days. Sophie (3 years) pointed at the back of the spikey haired person and said very loudly
"why is that hair like that?"
I told her very quietly that it was very nice hair and people can have their hair however they want it.
"Well I don't like it", she said, again very loudly.
No 1 daughter burst into hysterics, my husband grinned in the opposite direction.
Sophie sat down with a book, pointed to a SeaHorse and said "look, a see-saw"....
School
No1 daughter is feeling unwell today. I need to telephone the school to report her absense. The school has an automated system for reporting your daughters' absence, so when the phone was answered by a very nice lady I was caught by surprise. I explained I would like to justify why my daughter was not in school today, and gave her name.
"Thank you Mrs Davies, but you will need to telephone the Girls School, you are speaking to the Boys School."
Oh, so I have managed to prove my unsuitability for being a parent once again!
That's not as bad as my darling husband, though. His telephone call to No 2 daughter's school was just fabulous. We practically eat out on this story.
I had had a slightly huge disagreement with the headmistress and refused to telephone her when there was some small problem with something (can't remember what it was now). I insisted my husband phone to sort it out. He wasn't keen, he doesn't like phoning people at the best of times, and so he thought he'd be brave and decided to say something I would say. Foolishly, when the Headmistress answered (boy, she can be scarey) he blurted out, hello, this is Jasmine's Mother. I was in total hysterics and he continued the conversation with the headmistress completely oblivious to what he'd just said, and glared at me the whole time because I was laughing so much. When he put the phone down, he was furious with me, "what is the matter with you? I'm trying to talk to her and you're just putting me off" Once I could speak again I told him he'd just told the headmistress he was Jasmines' Mother..... he swore loudly.
A week later Jasmine was ill, I still wouldn't phone the school, so darling husband had to do it. He said, right, and this time I will not say I'm her mother, picked the phone up, and honestly truly, he did it again! The Headmistress really likes my husband, she smiles widely every time she sees him.
There's really no hope for our children!
"Thank you Mrs Davies, but you will need to telephone the Girls School, you are speaking to the Boys School."
Oh, so I have managed to prove my unsuitability for being a parent once again!
That's not as bad as my darling husband, though. His telephone call to No 2 daughter's school was just fabulous. We practically eat out on this story.
I had had a slightly huge disagreement with the headmistress and refused to telephone her when there was some small problem with something (can't remember what it was now). I insisted my husband phone to sort it out. He wasn't keen, he doesn't like phoning people at the best of times, and so he thought he'd be brave and decided to say something I would say. Foolishly, when the Headmistress answered (boy, she can be scarey) he blurted out, hello, this is Jasmine's Mother. I was in total hysterics and he continued the conversation with the headmistress completely oblivious to what he'd just said, and glared at me the whole time because I was laughing so much. When he put the phone down, he was furious with me, "what is the matter with you? I'm trying to talk to her and you're just putting me off" Once I could speak again I told him he'd just told the headmistress he was Jasmines' Mother..... he swore loudly.
A week later Jasmine was ill, I still wouldn't phone the school, so darling husband had to do it. He said, right, and this time I will not say I'm her mother, picked the phone up, and honestly truly, he did it again! The Headmistress really likes my husband, she smiles widely every time she sees him.
There's really no hope for our children!
Monday, 25 June 2007
Teaspoons are like Socks
How can it be so long since I posted?
Of course I'm terribly busy making the three return school runs daily, keeping house, watching House (obviously), and trying to remember where the dustpan lives.
Jen really shouldn't just up and leave on holiday like that. She only gave me a few weeks notice..how on earth does she expect me to find all the things to clean the house with in such a short space of time.
Ocado still don't deliver here. I know we are miles from civilisation, but I buy almost the whole of Waitrose when I go in, surely that counts for something?
We had dinner on Saturday with our truly fab friends Charlie and Catrin.
They are remarkable on many levels. Catrin went to Oxford and advises ,worldwide, it seems, on green energy. On Saturday she mentioned the time she was working as an electrician rewiring strip - joints in Soho (as you do!)
Charlie went to a girls school in London, and was indeed a house-husband when we all first met. But camp? Not at all, his voice is as deep as the flood water is today.
But the memorable statement of the night was that teaspoons are like socks! Catrin is definitely unique. I'm not explaining why teaspoons are like socks, it won't be half so funny, but I was suspicious about the coffee...
Of course I'm terribly busy making the three return school runs daily, keeping house, watching House (obviously), and trying to remember where the dustpan lives.
Jen really shouldn't just up and leave on holiday like that. She only gave me a few weeks notice..how on earth does she expect me to find all the things to clean the house with in such a short space of time.
Ocado still don't deliver here. I know we are miles from civilisation, but I buy almost the whole of Waitrose when I go in, surely that counts for something?
We had dinner on Saturday with our truly fab friends Charlie and Catrin.
They are remarkable on many levels. Catrin went to Oxford and advises ,worldwide, it seems, on green energy. On Saturday she mentioned the time she was working as an electrician rewiring strip - joints in Soho (as you do!)
Charlie went to a girls school in London, and was indeed a house-husband when we all first met. But camp? Not at all, his voice is as deep as the flood water is today.
But the memorable statement of the night was that teaspoons are like socks! Catrin is definitely unique. I'm not explaining why teaspoons are like socks, it won't be half so funny, but I was suspicious about the coffee...
Friday, 15 June 2007
Insurance
My husband has a policy which he pays for just once every year. A salesman (always a man)phones us to announce the payment is due and calls to collect it within a few days. This only happens once a year, but it's far too often for my liking.
This time he phones at 10.45pm, no whiff of an apology for it being so late!
He complained he'd hurt his leg, da deed da, yawn.....
He turned up the next day...three hours late, and his body language was all indicating that he was expecting to walk into the house and given a nice cup of tea.
Not a chance of that, he was a detestible little round man with his tie half done up, greasy hair, and he was all sweaty...ugh!
Wow, I thought, a perfect example of how not to present ones-self.
He apologised for being so late, but his leg hurt so much he thought he'd give it a rest by driving at only 30 miles an hour instead of 60. I'm not sure it was an attempt at humour rather than total stupidity, I wasn't laughing.
This particular insurance company must write their adverts for staff as follows:
Wanted:
Crusty, stupid old men wanted for rural round.
Bad dress sense essential.
Must have no hygiene and display unpleasant facial skin condition.
Essential Quality is the ability to be irritating without even speaking.
No-one with good manners or common sense need apply.
Must have studied the book how to Lose Friends and Infuriate People.
This time he phones at 10.45pm, no whiff of an apology for it being so late!
He complained he'd hurt his leg, da deed da, yawn.....
He turned up the next day...three hours late, and his body language was all indicating that he was expecting to walk into the house and given a nice cup of tea.
Not a chance of that, he was a detestible little round man with his tie half done up, greasy hair, and he was all sweaty...ugh!
Wow, I thought, a perfect example of how not to present ones-self.
He apologised for being so late, but his leg hurt so much he thought he'd give it a rest by driving at only 30 miles an hour instead of 60. I'm not sure it was an attempt at humour rather than total stupidity, I wasn't laughing.
This particular insurance company must write their adverts for staff as follows:
Wanted:
Crusty, stupid old men wanted for rural round.
Bad dress sense essential.
Must have no hygiene and display unpleasant facial skin condition.
Essential Quality is the ability to be irritating without even speaking.
No-one with good manners or common sense need apply.
Must have studied the book how to Lose Friends and Infuriate People.
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